Her – 33
Me – 38
Son – 12
Been together – 16 Years
Married – 7 Years

Ok, my first post so please take it easy on me. I apologize for the length in advance. So here is my story… my wife and I started dating when she was 17 and I was 23. It didn’t start well, more as fling more than anything else. She was totally enamored with me at the time. As we were dating for about 2 years she got pregnant at 19. I was very adamant about her having an abortion but luckily and through the grace of God she didn’t and we now have an amazing 12 year old boy who is the center of our universe. Needless to say she has a lot of resentment (and rightfully so) for my behavior during her pregnancy. We didn’t get married until our son was 5 years old and we did it at the justice of the peace. Again a lot of resentment. Somewhere along the line her being enamored with me turned and now she has the opposite feelings. A few years ago I had a vasectomy. Shortly after, she regretted it and said she wanted to have another baby. We have now been together for 16 years. She is 33 and I am 38. During the 16 years we have had ups and downs. Money has never been a real issue allowing us to go on great family vacations, nice house with pool, nice vehicles, etc. So a few issues over the last couple years of note:
1. She caught me with a secondary email address trying to talk to another woman
2. I caught her in bed with another man (both fully clothed at the time)…
3. I caught her making out with her best friend (female) at our NYE party. We had several couples over and a couple of singles. To date she despised that type of behavior and never had partaken in it. Well, our son was at this party (lots of drinking mind you), so I swooped her and her girlfriend into the bedroom and onto the bed. I went to use the restroom and when I come back they are having full blown lesbian sex. I was in complete shock (drunk mind you) and thought it would be a good time to join in. I joined in for a short amount of time at which point my wife got sick and went to the restroom to throw up. Her friend followed her in there and was consoling her as she was throwing up. Shortly thereafter, her friend came back to the bed and her and I had sex (while my wife was throwing up). I am not proud of this and live with regret each day/hour.
My wife claimed she blacked out and didn’t willingly participate in anything and that I was to blame for everything including “not protecting her”, and having sex with her friend. The next night I started sleeping on the couch and did so for about four days while my wife was continuing to sleep in the bedroom. One night about 5:30am, my cell phone rang and it was my wife saying to unlock the door. I was in a fog from being woke up like that and went and unlocked the door. She came in from the outside dressed as she was going out for the night and casually walked to the bedroom. I ask her what was going on and where she had been and she said “you have lost the privilege to know this anymore”. A couple night later she woke at about 12;30am and advised she was leaving. As it turns out she had been going over to the across the street neighbor’s house (single male) and spending “time” with him. So at this point I moved in with my parents’ house. Things from about 1/7/17 to just 2/12/17 have been highly contentious and not good at all. I actually filed for divorce on 1/17/17 and have until around the first week of April before it will be final.
Ok, here is where it gets interesting. She had been very upfront and honest telling me that she is dating that man, and that she developed feelings for him within 2-3 weeks. HE treats her so well, better than she has ever been treated (he is 10 years older than her) and why would she come back to me where there has been a void there for a long time. I have been doing the opposite of the 180’s, begging, crying, etc.. up until about a week ago. She is now saying she is “confused, undecided, hurt, doesn’t know what she wants, etc”. However, we met at Starbuck 2 days ago and had about a 3.5 hour conversation (30 mins of it was about the division of assets if/when we get a divorce) the other 3 hours were about us and the over life and situation. It was very positive and even ended with me walking her to her car and us hugging and me giving her a kiss on the check that was well received. As it turns out she agreed to go to a program at our church this Wednesday night. However, keep in mind she is still dating this other man and hasn’t told him she is going to this program with me. Of course there are a million more little details here and there but for the sake of time I will not share.
So my questions:
1. Do I go to this program with her on Wednesday even though she is still dating this man? I asked her why she wanted to go and her response was “I am willing to try one step at a time to see what happens”
2. Do I continue to try 180’s or try to be more affectionate?
3. Do I give her an ultimatum about her dating this man and if she continued I will see the divorce through in about 28 days?
4. It seems she is slowly becoming more in reality. She is self-admitted to not knowing what she wants and that since she has been with me since she was 17 she wants to “see what else is out there”.
5. I have agreed to have a vasectomy reversal and give her another baby
6. Do I have my head burred in the sand and should wake up and g through with the divorce? I love her more than anything and still to this day I could forgive her for dating this other man currently.
7. What do I do?!?!??!?