The WWJD isn't just to get him back, because right now I don't want him the way he is - he's super messed up. I am doing it because I genuinely want to be a better person, for my son.
Yesterday I had the realisation, for the first time, that he would have cheated, even if I had been a less angry wife. Bluwave and JujuB have said this to me before but I always privately felt I still had blame because my anger was off the charts. I realised my anger was stemming from hurt, hurt that he wasn't being loving to me the way a husband should be. For years he put his friends before me and that was what we fought about most often. And I was listening to a friend describe how she shouts at her husband and she has a really rock solid marriage, because her husband's commitment to their marriage is real and authentic. Whereas my WH was looking for a OW-shaped lifeboat at the first sign of wind.
On a more ungodly note, I am also doing it for revenge. It's the best kind of revenge, I think. If I kick off and do all the things I very very much want to do (write to OW's parents, email all their colleagues etc), knowing my WH, what will happen is I will just end up pushing them together in their joint hatred of me and I make it easier for him to justify what he's doing. He's already told her I am a certifiable nutcase and my kicking off will only strengthen his story. If I'm all lovely and saintly and fragrant, then when OW's perfect mask of pleasantness slips, as JujuB once pointed out it must eventually, then maybe he'll look from her to me and think, "wait a minute..."
