It takes two to make it work (pt. 6)

[roist]

I get the feeling she is making such comments to state to the world that she isn't seeing anybody. Her bringing up those " false rumours" was another way for her to state that she is not seeing anyone. To me she is trying too hard to press home the point.

Tbh there is nothing stopping her dating. You moving on or not has nothing to do with it. She wanted to leave, she left. If she wants to date, which she repeatedly states that she does, well she will date.

I obviously do not know but I would believe your gut on this one. Many lbs are torn apart wondering IF and then explode when that if is confirmed.Many vets tell newbies to assume that there is another person and that it is serious. Once that is accepted (not approved) by lbs, the lbs can stop WONDERING and realise their spouse is lost for the time being and hence the lbs can focus on other things.

So if it helps you to think of other things, why not assume it to be true. Either way she does not want a R with you. I know that is hard but that is where you are at. It is even in your thread title.

Before I change topic, I am curious as to what your friends tell W about you? Why does she think you are not moving on? Be careful what and how you say things to mutual friends. Viewing where you are, I would encourage you to inform your mutual friends that you no longer wish to discuss what W is doing or saying.

Those snippets of information are spinning in your head. Each word she says or action she takes, you move them around in your head to piece together this puzzle. But tbh it does not matter if you fully understand what she is doing. Until she wants back in that is wasted energy and time.

It's time to hunker down and prepare for this not going your way for a long time. She wants to D and she wants to date. It could take months or more likely years before that changes. How are you going to spend that time? Imagine that it will take THREE more years before she wants to try again with you. Not all WAS do come back but assume that you know for a fact that she will but not for another THREE years.

So I ask again how are you going to live for those three years? I can tell you now that unless you move towards LIVING and THRIVING that will be a very very loonnnnnnggggggg time. Now you know you have time. Let's figure out how best to use it.

GAL is a key component for so many reasons. It fills your hours but also your head. Part of it is about getting busy, but it is called GAL for a reason. It is a good start just to be able to do stuff but the aim is to do stuff you like or better still that you love. A side affect of this is you meet people with similar interests, you are doing stuff that you can discuss with others and ultimately that makes you a more interesting person and that can be/is attractive. But along the way you find yourself and get to like that guy.

You have some good people in your corner. Listen to them. I borrowed a traits changing tool from Caliguy. I know he didn't invent it but to me it is his as I first read about it in his posts. Basically you make three lists:
A. List 5 things you like most about you
B. List 5 things/traits you dislike about you.
C. List 5 traits you consider desirable but don't have.

List A helps self image as it points out our good characteristics.TThe tool is to put together a plan to replace the items from B with those on list C. I don't have the time to outline in more detail but that is basically it.

Best wishes my friend.I understand what you are feeling and it is normal.It just will not help you. Change your focus.