"Does he really think he's done nothing wrong and that I'm ok with it just because I'm not hideous to him every time I've seen him? I've been trying to be the cordial neighbour but his response to me yesterday seems to indicate to me he thinks I'm content with the situation, no complaints about being left for another woman. Is it really possible he thinks that? Am I going mad?"
Ugh! How I wish I could answer this for you. I honestly don't know! I definitely worried about that too. So I kept up a giant wall for a long time and I was so nasty to him! I hate to say this--because I don't want to give you false hope--but your WH reminds me a lot of mine. He could be so kind, that it was hard to even believe he was being awful. He would say these things that dropped hints and it was hard not to mindread. He wanted to have family time, and friendship, but I worried he would be cake eating and think I was okay with what he was doing.
So even tho I read the boards for awhile, I did the opposite. If he emailed (even if about the kids) I ignored him. In fact, not only did he not plan the kids bday party with me, but I didn't invite him. I allowed his family to come, but not him. I even told him that all of our friends and family knew about his affair and he should be ashamed and just stay away. I was mean! I wanted him to feel like the POS he was being.
I really didn't give him much to come back to. However as time went on, I gave up the fight and just started planning a life without him. I tried to be cordial, but was disinterested in him in general. I didn't want him to see my hurt and vulnerabilities anymore. He also saw that I was letting go and moving on. He started to worry I was seeing other people. I started really living life without him or letting him see he could affect me. So he went from being miserable and ashamed to realizing what he was losing. I did a sharp turnaround and then he did too.
Now, I am not sugggesting you do this! I don't have all the answers. I will say that things change all the time and they will continue to change. He clearly cares about son and a famiiy unit. He says things that demonstrate he has self doubts. So the best thing you can do now is the hardest. Let go. Start picturing your life without him, start focusing on being a better you, let him be the FOOL for leaving you. Don't let him think you are sitting there waiting for him, remove that option from his mind! You can do that and be cordial without allowing him to think you are his plan B.
You don't have to have to have family time, he is giving that up! It's ok for him to feel the loss of you and it takes time.
Chin up! Take care of you first! You got this!
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
