A WW? (7)

[lt0402]

Ok. Quick journaling. Thanks for the thoughts MV. Helped me frame things in my brain. Easy to get intertwined with W at times.

Saturday I had a meetup for a golf league I joined. Good guys. Looking forward to that starting in April. Hung out with D all morning. Trenched the beds in the yard to get ready for putting down mulch. Hung out with D that evening too. Spent a few hours finishing our taxes until late in the evening.

Sunday I spent the morning installing a closet shelving system W had gotten in Ds closet. When we first moved in we painted the inside of her closet as an underwater scene. She loved that. W painted over it this week to get it back to normal. Made me fairly sad to see it gone. Hung the shelving unit and put the door back up to finish it off. D had a friend over late in the day so I used that time to finish up the yard stuff.

Today, realtor over This morning to discuss selling house. After that I go get trim to put up in one of our rooms. D has a friend over and they go play outside. I sit down with W and ask if she'd like to discuss rent vs buy. W says there is no way she'd ever buy another house with me. She says after buying two houses and me not listening to her wants on either, plus the fact that I never lived up to the promises I made on doing house stuff, she won't buy another house. She says we should rent for a year. She says we have too much crap and clutter anyway that we don't use and we need to downsize. I tell her I would like to buy a house if we find one we like. She says she will not go house shopping with me because she will not have a conversation with me. She asks me why I'm acting like everything is all fine. I tell her that from talking to her last weekend I know everything is not fine. I'd like to rebuild a friendship with her. I'm not ok with any of us being unhappy. She says I don't have the right to be worried about her happiness. She says I keep saying things like I hear you and I understand but I never listen to her and never have. She's over it.

She says we need to rent a place and separate ourselves from each other within it. I tell her that I am no longer ok with us living separate lives. The situation as it is is not sustainable. She says she knows that. She says that when she told me in November that I'd won she did that for Ds happiness. She did that bc she was not going to put D through a long drawn out court battle over custody. She said that she came to the realization that she'd suffered through this for ten years, what's another ten. This is her life now.

I tell her I'm sorry that you had to live and feel like that. She tells me I have no right to tell her that. She told me for years that she was unhappy and I didn't do anything. She said since 2015 she's been telling me we have issues and I didn't listen or change. She tells me that D is also not happy with me. D doesn't treat me like a kid would treat their dad. It kills W to see it. No other kid says “we don't care” when I go to leave somewhere. Pretty soon, W says, D will be old enough to not put up with my sh:t and will just tell me to f$ck off. W also says that I follow D around the house and am constantly in her space. D is independent and what I'm doing will mess her up.

I again tell her that this situation is not sustainable. She says if I want to buy a house then I can but it will be without them. She says we can sell the house and rent two places. She then tells me to take today and tonight and let her know by end of day what I choose. I tell her that if we rent a place together I'm not ok with us leading separate existences. She tells me that when she told me this is as good as it gets she meant it. We will never be partners in anything and never were. I tell her that I don't need the time to decide, we are selling very quickly and short term it sounds like we will need to rent a place. However we still need to decide what is going on with us. W tells me that doesn't matter right now. The pressing issue is the house. Financially, she says, the decision makes sense. The house it too big, costs too much, and she never wanted it. Also with the economy the way it is we need to get out now.

I tell her that I can see this is stressful for you. Would it help to sit down and make a list together of things we need to do to get the house ready later? She says no, she will not sit down with me and do that. She says that she knows I won't do stuff anyway. I respond back with I feel like I have been working nonstop on the house since 3 weeks ago when we made the decision to sell. She says that's not what she said. I tell her that's just how I feel. She says she knows I've been working non stop, and so has she. She sits there for a minute and says “don't you already have a list?” I tell her it's only of things I believe we need to do. She says why don't we just use that. I tell her I will grab it and we can discuss. I go get it then we discuss the items on there and go through room by room what needs to be done. We discuss getting a storage unit. We discuss moving stuff to the garage in bins. She says she will not put furniture in a dirty storage unit. We end the conversation and I go to start working on cleaning out the garage. She asks if I can replace the two light fixtures outside first. (Front porch and back porch). I say sure and go to work. W helps me take down bathroom mirrors, as "I never took them down so that's why she hasn't sanded and painted the drywall I hung the past two weekends". I didn't point out that it was her putting it off that kept me from getting it done. Also, the mirrors are not in the way for any of the prep work that needs to be done. Then I rehang Ds closet door. Play with D for an hour before dinner. Grill my dinner. Hang trim on the kitchen island while they finish dinner. Then play with D for 45 minutes before bed.

Feel like I'm in W enforced limbo and W is trying to force me into making the decision to end this. She seems to be trying to make things so unfriendly and unhappy that my position becomes untenable. Not sure if that's the case but it sure seems that way.

I feel like a poorly treated handyman....

Somewhat frustrated by this. W sat around all day and did nothing with regards to getting the house ready to sell. if I don't do the work then it won't get done. But, I never do any work on the house, at least per W. such a strange place I'm at....