Help - Setting Boundaries, WW in EA - Thread #3

[Woke_Up]

Gordie

Thanks, that's good advice - maybe I have been focussing on doing the hard stuff, the stuff that goes against my years of conditioning. Even stopping snooping will be a victory for me - I did manage it for a few weeks since coming on this forum, but then relapsed.

Agree re. the spew - I think I will say something, as it was always a point of contention that I would 'run away' from arguments rather than sort them out. Although sorting them out was never often achieved, and isn't happening at the moment.

I did a little bit of googling on co-dependency last night, after what you said, and there were several alarm bells there with my behaviours. Low self confidence, need to rescue/fix, poor self boundaries, not having the ability to say no.

I see now in this and in past relationships I have been trying to rescue from whatever difficult situation my partner was in, or from previous bad relationships (as in this case, trying to prove that all men aren't the same, that I was a good guy). I have also let go of all of my old friends, mostly since my D arrived, but also because any of my former GAL activities were 'selfish'. I used to DJ and Wakeboard regularly. In fact, I met WW at an afterparty, connected with DJ'ing. Music used to be something we had in common, now it doesn't feature much in our lives.

I have also had issues before when so called 'friends' asked me for money to help them out of a sticky situation, and I was unable to say no, against my better judgement, and then had to move heaven and earth to get the money back. Poor boundaries.

I didn't have poor parental relationships, neither were addicts of anything. I am the youngest of 3 children, we did lose our father when I was 5 years old, and my mother remarried when I was 7. Although there has never been any attempt to obliterate any memories, it has also never been something we have spoken about. My communication with my parents is awful - and that works both ways. In fact, although my mother loves me dearly, and I know this, she never ever says it. I have taken to telling her I love her at the end of phone calls, now that I am in a family where telling each other that we love them is normal. She still never says it back, I think it makes her uncomfortable, although I am not sure why.

I am currently researching IC's close to where my new job is, so I can start working through some of these issues.