MLC? Maybe you can tell me...

[Bird]

I don't know what he wants. Or maybe I do and I don't want to admit it. He's never used the word divorce, but I think he avoids saying unpleasant things because he is such a champion at conflict avoidance and he doesn't want to be seen as the bad guy. That's not working out well at the moment, but I doubt he can see that.

He's said we drifted apart a long time ago, he's said he doesn't want to work on it (based on what his subconscious told him in hypnosis), says he wants to be happy and find someone who inspires him to be a better husband.

I don't know if he's rewriting history or if I'm just telling myself that to make it easier on myself. I don't see how we could have been so happy for years if he had these regrets all along. How do you fake it for 20 years without letting it show?

I don't want S or D. But I filed for S because I want something legal in place so our daughters and I are protected financially. I just don't know where his head is and I want to be prepared. Our mortgage is hefty and he makes twice as much as I do. So it was really just a protective move. He had been asking me weekly when it will be done. I feel like he wants to have it legal so he can be public about OW even though he continues to deny the relationship. I guess that would help him justify his behavior. The weird thing is - my lawyer sent him the final copy on 2/6 and I have not heard a word about it. Not from him, his lawyer, nothing. I don't get it.

I haven't updated simply because nothing has happened. After the blowup about OW on 2/4, I have been as NC as I can possibly be.

Funny story - the lawyer he hired had a contest for Valentine's Day where he was raffling off a free divorce. There were commercials all over TV. Classy guy.

D12 has asked to start seeing a counselor - this is actually regarding some difficulties she was having prior to H telling them he was leaving. I think she has some depression. He and I have the first appt with the counselor alone tomorrow so she can get a history on D12 and some background before they start meeting. I'm a little nervous to sit there and discuss the sitch with her since he and I have had so little contact lately. I want to just keep the focus on D12 and what she needs and keep it off of the two of us. But stuffing my emotions is extremely difficult for me. Kind of dreading it.