Hi skm, just read this part of your story and I am very sorry you are here.
I am in the MLC land since my BD July 2014. Maybe even earlier if I am honest. I am the queen of many mistakes, emotional reactions and lots of expectations.
It's indeed a brutal road to walk and there is so much desperation in us that we get lost in ourselves.
Time is not to be a friend to make the XS to miss us. Living it I came to understand that time is my friend to really look into myself and see why do I feel such desperation.
It's amazing that with time we start to disassemble ourselves in many pieces and we start confronting ourselves in all areas. We tend to forget why we got here in the first place and we give in to the excrucuating pain that absorb us every second.
It took me a long time to came to some sense, and I am not even close to be feeling totally good with myself. But today I am understanding better what I did to ruin my marriage, understanding that part of my pain is guilty.
I understand my hate for what my XH did, but I also see why he did in the first place.
Time also is helping me to face some of my childhood issues and how I can finally clean those inside myself.
It's helping me to look in the mirror and finally see just one person. Who do I want to see in that mirror is up to me. How that person will behave and react is up to me. I start living myself again.
I did not detached from my XH yet. I have way too much contact and it is disturbing at times. But I feel detached myself from my old self. Now, I don't see a mother, a wife, a person that was hanging in there for everyone. I see a woman that has her likes and dislikes, that wants to make plans for the years left in her life.
I am rescuing my independence and with it it's coming along my smile, my energy to see the world in nice colors again.
I do not want to go into any R right now, but I want to live a life that is my choice.
Regarding my XH, he is trying to pick up the pieces yet. He changed a lot during this time. The first year after BD he was a complete mess and yes I was the worse monster. He was and is nice to me, but there was a lot of venom in his comments every time we spoke.
Now, he is in the apology mode. He tells me that he could have reacted different, he could have treated me better, etc.
What I am trying to say is that we all start changing as soon as the BD happen.
You think that he is having fun, living a life of Gods, but you really don't know. I learned with time, that my XH was miserable. Just an example, on 2015 my X's family called on his birthday, to ask me to help him because he was thinking to end it all. And I was in my own world, thinking he was having fun and enjoying the day and talking to OW all the time. I couldn't be more wrong.
Believe the advices you are getting here. I tried to ignore it many times and do my way full of emotions and I always came back to say... yes, I shouldn't, it was worse, I regret and blah, blah, blah.
One thing I learned... needy is not attractive. Independent and self confident is sexy and very attractive.
I know you need to walk this road with your own feet, and learn your own lessons as you go. I just felt the need to write to you because I am quite emotional and my reactions are the same. But I am now, sure that this is not what will make my XH to look at me and fall in love again.
I am making myself new, stronger and why not... sexier. I know that lately his eyes can shine when he sees me.
So, fake it until you make it, it works.
Cry on your pillow, get help somewhere else, look for things you like, work a lot, whatever you do start asking who you are and who you want to be. Just you, no one else involved.
Regarding filling or not. In my situation I filled to protect my finances, my assets and I do not regret. Everyone has a different situation, but you need to separate your feelings from finances. If waiting is fine, then wait. If it will hurt your tomorrow, then file.
Good luck sweetie... you can do this, I am here hoping I can do too.
