I've read your story for a while. At times you tend to play a victim of circumstance role and I actually find myself a little frustrated when reading.
I don't know about anyone else but I wanted to let you know that I too have moments of feeling a "victim of my circumstances", having a pity party for the situation I find myself in and did not ask for. I feel its normal to occasionally feel sad about missing the life you could have been living, its part of the grieving for the loss of a life that was changed against our wishes. As long as these times are only moments, come and then go, then I see it as ok, but if they become a day in day out thought process then that is the time to act upon resolving your feelings.
From when I first started reading along with your threads I have seen such a change in you, you have found interests and are starting to pursue them. You have gone from not being able to even go to your pool for a swim to going out to spend an evenings/days with your lady friend ....Tad, you are finding - albeit slowly -your way, be proud of the movement you have made in your own life.
I am happy to hear you have remained friendly with your lady friend, she sounds like she is unsure of what she wants herself, so if you are content with friend zone then it sounds a good friendship to have in your life, she gets you out and you enjoy her company.
Keep inching forwards Tad, one day you will look back and see how far you have come, I can see it and hope one day you will too.
