Sotto's tootling along

[Sotto]

Thanks Bttrfly - no birthday for me yet - not until the Autumn...XH's is soon though. I recall last year he sent me a non-essential message the night before his B'day. I don't expect to hear anything this year.

Just journaling, it is really interesting to hear the human stories from MLC and other marital breakups. Last night I was out with a friend who's XH was unfaithful right from the get go - having inappropriate contact with others on their wedding day even. They have kids and she forgave him his first affair. They carried on, but he had further affairs over the next few years and she decided to file for divorce, which finalised this time last year.

She has recently started seeing a nice guy and her XH has really been struggling. No GF at the moment and he's been struggling that another guy is spending time with his kids and with her. He told he was wondering if they might try again - he was lonely and things weren't going great for him. She said no and he said he could understand why she felt that way - what a sad story though. Why didn't he realise how much he valued what he had at the time he had it?

I met up with a mutual friend of mine and XH's today. She has been through some difficult treatment these past 6 months and lives a distance away - so our first meet up in 9 months. I always have a little trepidation about what I may hear about XH. But turns out she has not heard from him for 9 months either. At the time our house was selling she texted him to let her know when he would be up. But then she found out he had been and gone without being in touch.

So, his S knows all about the treatment she has been having and what a rough time of it. I just couldn't believe that he wouldn't have been in touch with her at all during such a rough time. We were good friends and our families used to get together most weeks. She tried to be helpful to us both at the time of our separation. She now says that she doesn't even know if he would respond if she did text him. She told me - it isn't just you that has been erased - it is his whole former life.

She told me they had really struggled with the duplicitous behaviour and that we all sat having Sunday lunch together when he already had plane tickets booked to go and stay with OW two days later...

Anyway, for those of you struggling with the truth of things not being known, I wanted to say that over time the real picture does trickle out and people form their own views of it. My friend says that she and her S still talk with disbelief about what happened and have come to see that XH is 'unhealed' in some way.

Anyway, it gave me some food for thought and I just wanted to share in case this if of interest. We should always believe the human stories we hear as the patterns do repeat in other situations.

Have a lovely weekend all xx