So Confused and Conflicted

[WshIKnw]

Yes, I went through my own personal he11. I learned a lot and made many mistakes along the way. I truly believe that we can learn more from one storm, than a thousand days of sunshine. We tend to be more motivated to change when faced with loss. It's your time if you so choose.

I agree a whole lot.

I am more than happy to share with you what worked for me and what didn't. I can tell you that I paid a big price for allowing fear to be my guide. Financially and time separated from my children. I call it the fog of fear. Members on here tried to warn me, but I thought that I knew better. Anyway, lessons learned.

I'd love to hear more about what you went through. Did you have a thread here? Is it still around?

I'm conflicted, because I'm the exception to the rule of needing to never pursue. If your spouse has accused you of being neglectful and distant, MWD says that you might not want to go all out on not pursuing. (She says this in the LRT video series.) I just don't know. I did pursue W a lot for the first month of her going cold on me, before she left, and then pursued her some after she left, and all I got was rejection, frustration, and silence a lot of the time, especially if my pursuit involved talking about the relationship. So, I wonder if that means that I have pursued enough, even for the husband that was accused of being neglectful. I'm just afraid of not pursuing too much. The rules on pursuit are not cut and dry for me, because I was neglectful. It makes it very hard to know what to do. And at some point, you've got to stop not pursuing. If she is contacting you, and you never reciprocate, that would be bad. So, I've got to study this material more and figure out when I can stop not pursuing.