The high road: rocky with a great view

[ciluzen]

Sotto and Bttrfly, thank you for your very helpful responses!

I think I did alright on my interviews. Two separate interviews with faculty and staff,and one with two current students that was more about me asking them questions about their experiences with the program. I also had a 30 minute writing prompt in which I had to read an article and create a five paragraph response. I didn't get to write my conclusion,but...can't change that.I find out in a few weeks how I did.

I've also, as of today,finished the work for my psych class (finally!). I have a proctored final exam in about a week, but all papers and other tests are done.

Sotto, its nice to hear that things have calmed down over time. It gives me hope that maybe I won't be quite so emotionally involved when it comes to kids doing things with Bubbles. Right now, though, they know what transpired between Bubbles and their dad; so to me it feels like at least, insensitivity and at most, betrayal that they chose to go on this trip. It is a three day weekend and I have planned some relaxing and fun activities with and without friends. But that negative feeling is there. If it was just XH and the kids, I think I'm at a place where that would be fine. I keep saying it gets better because much of it has, but I keep hoping the lump in my throat and visiting emotional moments and thoughts of XH go away some day.You have given me hope.

Bttrfly, I really do need to explore the jealousy bit. I got into a discussion years ago about jealousy with XH, when we were newlyweds. He had asked if I would be angry if a girl hit on him at a bar (don't remember why). I told him I wasn't the jealous type, but imagined I would be angrier with him for allowing it since he had a relationship with me, than at her for doing it, because he was so good looking. Boy was I ever wrong about myself!

I do remember feeling left out, though. I never really dated in highschool. I had lots of guy friends who I surfed with, studied with, went to movies and just hung out and talked with. But for some reason...no dates or dances. It was almost comical! Plenty of friends, but missed out on the highschool dating/dance scene (except dateless dances). I did date a bit in college, but had decided I'd never have a guy see "the real me" and love me when suddenly I came across my XH. But even then, my MOM pushed him (there's that comedy) to ask me out in the first place. People always joke that I'm oblivious to people hitting on me and I don't know how to flirt.

So, the jealousy? I'll need to explore. I wanted something so badly when younger that seemed to come so naturally to everyone else, but fear or awkwardness kept it at bay. Insecurity? Something. Maybe its just anger at myself?