Thank you all for the responses. Wonka, you are so funny and on point.
I know I am still way too attached and way too sensitive. It has been one of the most challenging aspects of DBing for me.
I think I understand what everyone is ultimately saying, that if I detach, I won't feel it as criticism?
Another way I was looking at this is in wondering if the problem is how I have internalized these types of comments from him in the past. I have taken them as veiled criticisms and become angry and lashed back.
So in trying to figure out my issues, I am trying to figure out if these are in fact veiled criticisms or if it's because of MY issues I am perceiving them that way. If it's my issue, then I need to get to the bottom of why that remark bothers me. (Aside from the need to detach.) What is it about that remark triggers me? If he is being PA or veiling his criticism, then I can keep searching. Does that make better sense?
When it comes down to it, I don't care what H thinks about me feeding S bananas. Bottom line is I am going to learn my lessons and strive to do what's best. (Like not feeding him too many bananas.)
I just want to know if I am clearly seeing and feeling what is happening. I need to know how my issues and baggage have affected how I interact, not just with him, but everyone. For me, that is part of the work.
