Newby here . . . (Thread 7)

[ForGump]

so [your kids] probably do need a more formal sit down... Hopefully your W is on her A game for that

She gave me the keys to the bus, and said here, you run them over with the news of my selfishness.

She did say, afterward, that I said everything "beautifully."

I was flattered by her compliment but nothing about that whole thing felt beautiful.

How you holding up?

[JRuss]

Hey FG -- thanks for checking in. I'm holding up pretty well, honestly. I catch myself thinking about the future without her and not being that sad about it. Other times, I cycle back into pretty bad places, but I guess I'm experiencing higher highs and at least a little higher lows.

I thought we were really close to having everything agreed in terms of the financial settlement and the parenting plan, and the STBX even complained that she was frustrated that things were taking so long, but now things have ground to a halt. The documents are in her court, and there really wasn't anything to my last set of requested changes, so I'm not sure what's going on. I do know her father told her my child support payments I'll be making each month were "pitiful", but he's an idiot and doesn't know that there isn't any negotiating on that -- its an algorithm that spits out the number based on parenting days and income differential. But I wouldn't be surprised if she's convinced herself she should get alimony, knows this will upset me and throw the deal into disarray, and is waffling. Who knows? Not my circus, not my monkeys. I don't think it has anything to do with even a whiff of hesitation as to whether this is what she really wants, based on (the unchanged) in-home demeanor.

How are you doing?

[ForGump]

Same deal here in my state: child support is all formulaic. Good that you're not fooling yourself about why your STBX is delaying. But I'm sorry for you that it's happening. I think until I'm actually moved out it will continue to feel like a bad dream.

Speaking of parents ... I just dropped a bomb on my Mom w/ the news of our divorce. She's old school, just loves our kids to death, and didn't know at all that we were having trouble. She will be devastated.

[Gordie]

JRuss/ForGump,

Dudes...just want to say as guys who are just one step ahead of me, I learn a ton from your posts...we still haven't dropped the bomb on the kids yet, so am really anxious about that...

I haven't dropped the bomb on my parents yet...thinking I may not tell them until we are officially D...my FIL called me the other day and it was obvious my W had not yet told him either...

Are you guys all staying under one roof until the D is final?

[lt0402]

Higher highs and higher lows. That's a positive trend JR!

On the cycling though, I think we all go through that off and on. Best to just try to grind through those lows as they won't last.

Who knows what she's doing on the delay. Best to keep focus on your kids and you. Sounds like you're already taking this approach though.

Hang in there brother. It's rough but will get better

[JRuss]

FG -- I definitely found myself thinking at times "maybe this means she isn't so sure she wants to divorce", and what was very new for me was that that thought wasn't really a hopeful one. It's not going to happen, but I think I'd say no, we need to keep this moving. Things are just too far gone, she never moved a millimeter back toward me, and I've just gotten to where being alone would be better for me than living with her. And who says I'll end up alone forever? Not me.

Gordie -- yes, we'll live together until the divorce is final, then she'll move out, I'll stay in our current house, then sell it next summer when we no longer need it to be in S10's school zone.

lt -- thanks for the encouragement. I am still following your sitch and hope you're doing ok. You know how highly I think of your efforts, especially with your D.

[ForGump]

And who says I'll end up alone forever? Not me.

Definitely not me.

You're going to be one hell of a catch to someone.

[JRuss]

Thanks, FG. That will be an interesting bridge to cross. I don't even remember what it's like to ask someone out, much less how to be Mr. Smooth.

[ForGump]

You ain't need to be nothing but yourself.

[lt0402]

You ain't need to be nothing but yourself.

Yep. I know ya'll are going to be ok once you get through this rough patch!

lt -- thanks for the encouragement. I am still following your sitch and hope you're doing ok. You know how highly I think of your efforts, especially with your D.

JR, thanks brother! You've got a ton of positive momentum to lean on my friend. Keep your head down and keep pushing through this stuff. No doubt there's better times for you ahead.