The high road: rocky with a great view

[bttrfly]

Hi Doll,
I read this originally on my cell phone but had to log in from the desktop to give you my input on this.

First: good luck today! You'll do great, I know it! Give us an update on how the interviews went xoxoxo

Now, re: the jealousy. My perspective is probably not typical, but it's based on my experience and work that I've done with my therapist, who in addition to traditional therapy also incorporates non-traditional modalities, like buddhist psychology. So from that perspective we all come into this life with a core issue. My understanding is that the people who cause us the deepest pain are in fact people we have a soul contract with to work on specific things.

Here is an example of what I mean: my core issue is abandonment and having those closest to me withhold love in order to control me.

In my case, my ExH and I would have a soul contract that I would help him face and work on his abandonment and trauma surrounding his parents divorce. He in turn would help me work on my abandonment trauma and having love withheld by those closest to me. In this way, we work on our core issues (or not), unwinding the unhealthy pattern so we are free to move forward. Make sense?

So - in your case, your core issue could be jealousy. Bubbles, bless her heart, and your husband may have a soul contract with you - she being the catalyst and he being someone who is there to teach you how to unwind the pattern so you can be free.

What I like about this is there isn't any enabling in this perspective. There is acknowledgement that the issue exists, but with that awareness and acknowledgement comes personal responsibility to heal.

So, all that being said, when we deal with our core issues, we often experience what you've described: a huge block that we struggle to overcome.

My best advice is to take it apart in chunks. Try to find out when and where you first experienced jealousy. What were the circumstances surrounding that. Go deeper into the jealousy response to try to discover what's underneath it.

In my case, having someone close to me withdraw or withhold love leaves me not only with a feeling of abandonment, but beneath that are many other layers. One is feeling powerless. So by working on that and asking myself am I really powerless? What am I powerless over and what am I not powerless over gives me a good place to do some healing work. Also in there is the notion that I cannot be truly abandoned unless I have also abandoned myself. Again, the task would be to look at all the ways I may have abandoned myself and work on not only healing that but also making sure I don't do it again.

So your task would be to really do a deep dive into jealousy, how you manifest it, why are you using it as a response tool. Are you going to the jealous place to mask some other feelings that are really painful. If so, what are they? Am I making sense here? I hope I haven't overstepped my bounds or broken any rules. If I have, Job feel free to delete this post.

Cil - I hope this helps you xoxoxo