How to proceed... Preemptive Strike first or wait?

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My question to the board is this: should I take the initiative and file for divorce first and make her realize what it means to be a single mother of two?

Starting here - what would you gain from being divorced? Does it help you financially? Does it help you with custody? These are questions for your L.

You should NOT file divorce to show her what it means to be a 'single mother of two'. How would that change her situation as it is right now? You would still be paying for their schooling Im sure. In my opinion, you should only file when youre done with the relationship or if there is some alternative reason such as abuse, finances, etc. I would stop trying to base your actions around what kind of response you hope she will have.

Should I proceed with accelerating the divorce? I have already contacted a family lawyer in her country to find out what would be the steps to file for a divorce.

Good. Knowledge is power. Doesnt mean you have to do anything yet.

In my attempt to ask for a 2nd chance at saving our marriage I argued that we were bestfriends first before anything so we should work on saving our friendship then take it from there. This strategy had worked for my sister's husband. My W wasn't very responsive to it. I get a sense that this new guy has given her the confidence to move on. Yet she continues to ask me to send her money for the kids schooling.

Id quit with the attempts to convince her of anything. Your words are meaningless. It's your actions that are important now.

I wasn't a good husband the past two years because I put the business ahead of her. This caused my wife to withdraw and in retaliation I withdrew and we both got angry with each other. She withheld sex and I stopped caring and put more time into business.

Yes, I caused most of the issues in our marriage due to not listening to her. That is her #1 complaint about me, not listening. I have since been working on changing that.

So what will you be doing to improve? How can you communicate, act, prioritize better? THIS is where you need to focus. On becoming the best version of dbsoul possible.

I also put myself on a dating site before she left, which she found out and confronted me about it. It was a way for me to feel wanted or desired when she withdrew from me. When she found out I was on Match I quickly deactivated it and told her I was no longer on the site, but i did not see any improvement from her after doing deactivating my account.

Why would you think that deactivating the account by itself would lead to improvement? You actively looked for her replacement while you were together. You cant undo the hurt by just deactivating the account......

When we said our goodbyes at the airport I told my wife to spread her wings and if explore herself because I felt she was going through a midlife crisis. Boy do I regret saying that now. During the first two months of her being away I enjoyed a bachelor's life and met someone online. At least I thought I did, but it turned out to be an online scam that unraveled before my eyes a few days before Christmas when I was left waiting at the airport for a couple hours waiting, but she never arrived. That's when i believe God opened my eyes to all the things I had done wrong the past years. It was as if he peeled the curtain wide open and revealed to me what was really important in my life and that was my wife and my kids.
My wife having heard that i was "seeing" someone decided to put herself on a dating site for a week and in that week a man wrote her and caught her attention.
Since then her attitude has changed from trying to make our M work to wanting a divorce and moving on.

So you went through your own MLC and just because you're 'snapped out of it' now, you think she should adjust to your timeline? Like I said above, I think you need to focus on healing yourself.




I think thats enough thoughts for now. Keep posting!