So Confused and Conflicted

[WshIKnw]

But it's still possible that if she is seeing someone, that she can stop seeing that person and be interested in me again.

[Dawgs]

It's entirely possible. But then the question of trust comes into play. How could you believe someone that obviously and blatantly lied to you? If she stayed too long "at the store," could you believe it? I mean, 100% believe it? If there is even a little bit of a doubt, then there is your answer. There is an inner strength/respect that one must have, regardless of the outcome.

I can't remember who said it on here, but the gist of it is that some stay out of fear or whatever. It took me a while before I was able to cross the line and see things as they really are. When someone goes as far as to dream/see/sleep with/get involved with another person, then the marriage is long dead.

I'm not saying that you should give up by any means, but reality needs to be seen, too. If you can accept what she has done and fully trust, then go for it. For many, its a deal breaker - and was for me. Do I still love my ex? Yes. Do I trust her? No.

[WshIKnw]

I know that I was a neglectful husband that lost too much appreciation for her, and that is why I could trust her again. Because I strongly believe, and she has told me this as well, that if I'm doing my part, she won't look elsewhere for what she needs. Had I been a perfect husband, yes, it would be hard to trust her again to not abandon me, but I was far from perfect. I had no idea then how bad I was, but she has made it clear, and throughout my studies of this now, I have seen many of the errors I made. I wasn't conscious of the differences between what men need and what women need in a relationship. And I had been with her for so long, that I thought I was doing fine. I failed to make her feel cherished. In the future, if I know for a fact that I'm doing what I need to be doing, and she still abandons me, then yes, it would be hard to want her again, I think.

[WshIKnw]

But I don't think she'd leave me if I'm doing the things she's asking me for, and even better, doing things without her having to ask for them.

[Dawgs]

All I can really say is work on yourself and become the best you can be. If she comes back, she does. But what you have to do is do what you can. There is nothing else you can do - or should, for that matter. If she decides to come back, she will. Remember my butterfly analogy?

The unfortunate thing is that by the time they reach this point, its done. Doesn't mean it can't happen, though.

[doodler]

But I don't think she'd leave me if I'm doing the things she's asking me for, and even better, doing things without her having to ask for them.

WshIKnw,

Wake up! Being the perfect do-boy is worth negative zero points to your wife.

[Dawgs]

^ What he said

[WshIKnw]

But I don't think she'd leave me if I'm doing the things she's asking me for, and even better, doing things without her having to ask for them.

WshIKnw,

Wake up! Being the perfect do-boy is worth negative zero points to your wife.

What do you mean? I'm not saying I'd be an unattractive spineless whipped slave to her. I'm just saying I'd properly appreciate her, and treat her the way she should be treated. I would continue to educate myself so that I know exactly how to treat her.

[Dawgs]

One thing I'm seeing is that it appears that you are trying to make changes for her and to win her back. The thing is, it can't be. If she notices, great. If not, then you'll be more than ok.

[doodler]

Yeah, what Jeep said.

Forget about what your wife wants and become the best WshIKnw possible. Get out and kick @ss. Work hard, play hard and make your life the best life possible.