It's like there is this little devil on my shoulder whispering how many ways WH hurt me.
Those in the Christian marriage restoration business would say that you've hit the nail on the head - there is, literally, an evil spirit urging you to take actions that would undo all the good work you've done so far, urging you to destroy your marriage by your own hands.
I've gone back to the Bible for guidance on how to walk this path, and described in there is that the real battles we fight are spiritual. To borrow this framework, your enemy is not your husband, but the spirits who wish to see the demise of your marriage and the breaking of your home. These spirits are the voice of doubt, the nagging questions.
If you are to remain outcome focussed, you know entertaining these doubts are useless, and will be counter productive. It's like trying to lose weight and thinking of donuts all the time.
So what if your husband made promises to this silly OW? You don't know on what basis he made them. Did he make them because it got her into bed more quickly? I wouldn't think on it further if you can help it - you know what he said but not why he said it, and in my mind that's more important. For all you know in that incarnation with OW he was no better than a used car salesman - anything to close the deal.
There are similarities between us, apart from the yawning gap in outcomes. My WH is also a King of Conflict Avoidance. And I too have a problem with anger - I am too comfortable with it, I find it protective because it stops me from feeling pain and so unthinkingly for many years I went straight into anger, fury even, to avoid the real issues. So I know how incredibly hard it must have been to come this far, and you have come so so SO far. Don't let the voice of doubt jeopardise this. Put it aside and decide to come to it in 6 month's time at least. If it's still there, then analyse why and take it from there. In the meantime, enjoy what you've worked so hard for. What you've described of WH's behaviour - I would kill for that.
