Not pursuing is so hard. I haven't had any contact with W since Monday. Also, today I am very afraid that separation papers are coming. She told me a while back that she would send them last week or this week. At the time, I argued with her that she was rushing -- not giving herself time to change her mind. I would expect her to drop bombs, like separation papers, on Fridays, because it gives me the weekend to recover. I think she's so caught up in an OM fantasy, that she's just rushing things so that she can be with him. I don't know for sure yet, but I feel it so strongly that she is seeing another man.
Not pursuing is hard because it feels so wrong. I'm going to look through all the DB material to try to better understand when it's appropriate to stop not pursuing. I'd hate for her to be contacting me, and me never contacting her, and for her to feel like I'm not reciprocating -- not trying to make things work. But maybe that's how she is supposed to feel, like I'm moving on. I don't know. I don't want her to be saying to herself, "well, I must have made the right choice, because he's acting like he is okay with it, or doesn't want me." I've been accused a lot of being neglectful, by her. MWD says in the FAQ for the Last Resort Technique that I would want to go more lightly on not pursuing, but I don't really know how lightly to go. It's so hard to know what to do in my situation, because MWD isn't clear, I don't think.
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
