The excitement of what if

[Zues126]

Glad it's getting put to bed.

I feel ya J. This isn't good and evil, it's just a bunch of imperfect humans bumping into each other. Relationships are going to be difficult because we all have our problems.

But you're right. Regardless of why, he left. Once either spouse puts divorce on the table as an option the game is up. It trumps all possibility of evolution or having spring follow the winter of the relationship.

For me, my trigger is 'feelings'. Anger, fear, unhappiness, loneliness, suffering, lack of attraction, etc. It's not that I don't care at all about feelings anymore, but kind of. I'm kind of a suck it up and do what you have to do and be pleasantly surprised if good feelings come along at times. This means when things are bad, suck it up and stay married. When you don't feel like giving to your spouse or to your children or to your employer, suck it up and do what you need to do. I get impatient with the newcomers that constantly talk about how they feel about their WAS in terms of whether they want to keep standing by their M. I'm like 'if you're willing to give up on standing because you no longer feel like it, why are you upset with them for leaving when they no longer felt like staying married?!?' It's all feelings, feelings, feelings. Feelings are super short term and change like the weather. They have important messages to tell us and we need to listen to them, but they can't take over the steering wheel of our life either.

I've learned to listen to my feelings to hear what they're telling me, but in the end I look at my behavior, and whether I am delivering what I need to as a dad and an employee. My kids don't care how I feel, they need me to provide for them and care for them. My company doesn't care how I feel, they need me to produce. It is my duty to make good on those commitments. These are some of my core beliefs about who I am and what I'm supposed to do. I don't put my emotions above that and allow my mood or my momentary happiness above those obligations.

Don't know where that all came from, maybe something on my mind and maybe something jogged that thread in your post, I'm not sure. But really just to reiterate that you didn't walk, he did. Doesn't excuse you from mistakes you made and doing a poor job of managing your behavior and emotions before (although we don't need an excuse for our flaws, our humanity is our excuse), but it no longer matters in terms of the M as the game is up. And while I am no fan of walking from a M, his humanity excuses him to some degree to.

I guess I'm really tired. Instead of deleting this post I'll submit it and read it again tomorrow and see if there is any coherence or underlying point to this.

Thanks J. Take care.