WAS vs MLC..not sure it really makes a difference

[skyhigh]

Exhausting for sure, you never know what to say, what to do, what to expect from them.
Walking on eggshells takes a toll on us. It's exhausting because somehow our life becomes controlled by their reactions and our fear of them, we cannot be ourselves anymore.

It's not easy to subtract ourselves from their "influence", they are masters at making us believe (gaslighting ) if they behave that way it's because we "forced" them to act like that. Also that behavior lowers/destroys our common sense because our affect is so deeply entangled, we cannot see clearly anymore, and we start to react instead of acting upon the situations we are facing. That's where DB is helping us to remove ourselves from their influence and make choices based upon what's best for us.

DB is probably one of the most difficult task to put in place, at the beginning you have to fake it and little by little it becomes integrated with the way you interact with them.
Did you notice that they are always trying to start something by their comments, actions or conversations, they want to hurt us, they want to get into an argument so again they can justify their choices.

Skm, it's good you have expectations for yourself and you should, but don't expect him to reciprocate yours, they are the epitome of selfishness during their MLC and they firmly believe they are right to do so. They don't care for anybody, even if it seems they care for OW, most of the time, it's more for what she can bring to him to fulfill some needs.

So please don't have any expectations.
When you interact with him, treat him just as a neighbor, the more anger or frustrations you will show him, the less he will be willing to interact with you. I know it's totally unfair but it's sadly the game we should play to avoid to have them distancing for us even more.

It works in the sense it makes them "safe" to communicate with us and it stabilizes the relationship, but don't expect any miracles, MLC is a marathon, a very long one, I got frustrated so many times because I just wanted things to be solved fast but looking back time is somehow good for us, it helps us to decide what we want and work on ourselves .
It allows us to get rid of our bad mechanisms and put new ones on place, healthy ones, ones that are "good" for us.

Now a question?
Did you ever try yoga or meditation?
Do something that helps release those endorphins in your body.
To be in peace with your mind, sometimes you need to feel good in your body (relaxed).
I am not talking about looking as the newest sport illustrated swimsuit cover page, lol...