You're right about my goals. I have really struggled with goals beyond working on myself: going to the gym and eating better, focusing on my career to ensure it's in a good place (I'm having job issues right now), going out once a week with friends. Those are more ACTIONS than goals. Again I am struggling to define them. I have been really focused on TRYING to detach correctly. I'm going to go back to the book like you suggest and think about more tangible reachable goals.
As for a timeline - I do not have one. I keep trying to just become more comfortable with the fact we may not be together and trying to tackle the realities that come with that (kids finances etc.) I reached out to a lawyer this morning.
The latest is that I have found out that she has ended her A with the OM. She wanted to keep it going, he did not. And she is spiraling into a deep depression about it.
I remember something from Sandi2 talking about the withdrawal phase after an A has ended. Similar to an addict. I can see things are going to get a lot harder. She has gone cold and I can see the anger and resentment building toward me again. I'm going to play it as cool as I can and try to to be to distant but not allow her to enge me in her mental warfare. Does anyone have experience with the WW when they are reeling after an affair that want to keep going, ends? I have not seen a lot of that here.
