Pink's Journey - Strengh and Fear

[Sotto]

Okay, just reflecting some more in the bath this morning!!

Anytime we feel in a spin in this kind of situation, it helps to look inward rather than outward. You are asking us to comment on our take on this situation. But actually my main concern is how you are feeling within yourself at this point.

The thing is I suspect his behaviour may continue along similar lines for the time being. I think the question to ask yourself is 'from what place is me reaction coming?' Is it coming from your highest self aware place or from a place of 'little girl' hurt - we all have both within us.

I say this because for a while (with NG) I felt I depended on our contact to 'get me through this' and there was also a feeling of 'please love me!' I'm now seeing that I was responding from hurt and fearful places. Actually, when I look at things now I see that he may now be in a place to come forward positively, maturely and confidently. And if he isn't in that place, I wouldn't really choose to begin a relationship with him.

With your XH - I don't think he is in that place either. Because he isn't behaving consistently. He is dashing forward and then drawing back. And the thing is, if he isn't in the right place and you entered back in to a R with him, there would likely be an unraveling and further pain down the line. Because, you are going to have to deal with forgiveness, resentment, your own negative feelings and perhaps him spiralling and panicking somewhat too.

So, I'm thinking back to the advice from the wise Wonka. Perhaps it is time to sit on the couch with yourself - and that little girl too - and ask yourself from where is this reaction coming. Because you may not be able to change what he chooses to do, but you can certainly choose how you respond.

What I have come to realise is it doesn't really matter whether I am in a relationship or not. It doesn't matter whether XH turns or not - or whether NG chooses to come forward or not. What really matters is how I am feeling within myself. How happily and peacefully I can live in whatever situation I find myself. Whether I can count my blessings and be grateful and whether I can deal gracefully and lovingly with life as it unfolds.

I do encourage you to take a really long term perspective here and I hope these two posts are helpful to you. Also, I would say, please don't feel frustrated with yourself. Be kind and loving to you and accept that you are travelling some difficult terrain. Big hugs to you my friend...(((((( Pink ))))

Xxx