AP- great to hear from you and thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I don't feel like I am doing very well at the moment but it's comforting to know that these feelings I am having are normal! How are you anyway AP?
Job - I think the spinning is made up of two cups of sadness, one cup of fear and a whole bucket full of resentment! I have thought of pulling the plug on his visits again. I did this last year and then went dark for seven weeks. Then I started meeting him for coffee, had the big blow out with him after prom dress shopping and told him he does nothing for me and D and that's when he asked if we would like to start up the family time again which went from one to two days a week. I feel if I pull it again I will just seem inconsistent and flaky especially as I asked if we could work towards reconciliation. It will jut look like I am throwing my toys out of the pram because he isn't doing what I want him to. It's the whole control thing and it is a 180 for me to stop demanding action from him.
You are right though, I do need to just accept where he is at the moment and it hasn't been that long since we started it up again. I have seen some improvements in our relationship already so I do need to replace that bucket full of resentment with a bucket full of patience! Thanks so much Job, you really make me think!
Journaling - so H came over for dinner yesterday. He seemed very relaxed at first getting things ready for us to eat. But I did notice he was spending a lot of time in the hallway and I think he was looking at MY post! Job said that MLCers are nosey! He seemed a bit on edge and became very quiet as the evening wore on. Myself and D were having a laugh about some stuff on her iPad so we took no notice of his sullen mood! Anyway, he is coming over again on Friday so let's see how he is then....
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
