Pink's Journey - Strengh and Fear

[Sotto]

Hi Pink, I do feel that your XH loves you - but I also think that he needs space and time. With the Valentine's event, you dressed up and looked lovely I am sure and he was swept away by this and publicly proclaimed love for you. You were swept away and you talked all evening etc....then he cooled....and you became frustrated and got angry....and etc...

It's a wash, rinse, repeat cycle that has happened before with your XH. So, what would break this? Firstly, to not be quite as receptive in the first place. You dressed to look like a million dollars to attract him at that event......however...He was your long term partner, and your marital breakup with the involvement of an OP was a shattering situation. I don't think he gets to 'sweep you off your feet' with a romantic proclamation - I think he needs to do some hard, genuine work to reflect on that and on whether he, you, you both can heal and be together again.

Second, your expectations went through the roof (understandable) when he said what he did - and then were dashed again by him being cool with you. This has happened before and I think the moral is to take everything with a pinch of salt. Actually, you are looking for sustained maturity and a genuine desire to reconcile demonstrated over a significant period.

Third, you pushed, he didn't respond and you lost your temper. So you went on another cycle of the rollercoaster with him and just got out of the cart bruised and nauseous.

Here's the rub Pink - I just don't think he is ready at this point to be the kind of mature and loving partner you want. And the partner who is ready to consistently do what it takes to rebuild something with you. He may feel ready 'in the moment' and the next day not - so things haven't yet settled with him.

The answer I think it not to read so much into these 'moments' and when they happen, try to sit back a little more and manage your own need to 'push.' It is partly your impatience of - I want this to happen now - that adds to your pain.

Finally, I would say - thank you for admiring my strength. But truly, it can be easier not to see your ex and I haven't seen mine for 2.5 years. Haven't spoken to him in almost 2 years or been in any contact with him for 6+ months. It is easier and more settled in lots of ways and I'm not sure how well I would cope if we were in contact you know?

Anyway - hope my ramblings help my lovely xxx

(Ps: a lot of these incidents centre around and are encouraged by church friends who seem to want you to have a romantic reconciliation...is that working for you?? Xx)