Leahsue, I'm very sorry you find yourself here. As others have said, this is a great place, but the circumstances that have brought us all here are not great ones. That said, one of the keys to this is to remember that you are not alone. Neither in your suffering nor your situation. Many of us are going through what you are right now. This is a wonderful place to find support and the people here are amazing.
The key for you is finding your balance. I know that in the beginning it seems surreal and never ending. Almost like you're drowning in a deep dark ocean. It's tough to get your bearings or even find 20 minutes of peace. I've been where you are and I know how tough it can be. Your whole focus right now needs to be on minimizing the emotional ups and downs and finding a balance.
Easier said than done, I know. But it has to be done. You can't worry about what your husband is doing, what may or may not happen in the future, etc. you just need to focus on the here and now and yourself. You sound like a highly motivated and driven lady. What are your hobbies? Do you exercise regularly? How often do you see friends? You said you're seeing a counselor. That's awesome! I hope you're finding that to be helpful as well.
What are your goals right now? How are you going to focus on you? Have you really, truly dug into your M and figured out what issues you contributed to its breakdown? What are your goals to fix those things? Your goals should be focused on you and I think defining them gives you a good starting point to both take your mind off things and also to begin the hard work of driving positive change for yourself. What better time to start than now!
LeahSue, we are here to support you. You may not believe this now, but you will be ok. Start working on you and this will become much more clear as time passes. Hang in there and keep journaling here and in others posts.
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
