Mach1, Thanks for the questions and concern, firstly. To answer your question...I think I AM that guy who is "getting" this. That's not to say I don't have concerns and worries. I'm only human. But I am trying to, legitimately, focus on myself and my kids, and more importantly on my future (this concerns goals,which I will get into in a second) As far as doing things for myself I have immersed myself in my children. I give them as much attention as possible, I listen to them more, spend more time wth them, try to help them with understanding whats goin on here at home and just genuinely try to love them as much as possible. Their love and attention, in return, helps me on a daily basis deal and live without the worry and pain. I've also totally changed my diet and exercise habits. I work out 5 days a week and I've lost about 55 lbs now since the end of October early November. At first I couldn't eat because of what was happening, so that gave me a little jump start. But now I just like working out, for myself, AND I must say, for the way ppl notice me now. It's a good feeling. Makes me feel complete confident and more sure of myself. I've also recently opened a bank account. This sounds silly I know, but for 15 years now I've lived somewhat off the grid. I have tax issues which I'm currently working on. And that's part of my rebuilding process too, working on my taxes. I've also been working real hard, trying to focus on making money, being able to rely on myself for income and not have to burden HER with money issues also helps my confidence. All these things I've done and am doing are for me and my kids. However, I'd be lying if I said that my motivations don't include her. I'm not totally emoitionaly detached from her. I think if was I probably wouldn't be here on these boards. I still care what she thinks and how she feels. So if I said I'm not doing all these things, in some small way, for her and to somehow bring us back to loving again..I'd be a liar. But that's not my focus. I do know that the changes I've made are noticed and appreciated. Just yesterday she called me in the morning to ask if I'd like the meet her for breakfast. It was awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She let me kiss her goodbye on the cheek and as I did I said," that was a great Valentine's Day breakfast", she replied "yes it was". And then later last night we had a family Valentine's Day dinner out. And she even got me a card and small gift!!!!!!!!!!! AND she's been consistently kissing me goodbye in the mornings and when she arrives home. She hadn't touched me, literally, for a whole month. So, ya, I'll take what I can get. I'll enjoy it while it lasts. I'm aware it may not. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. As far as goals, you saw one of them, my taxes. I haven't filed in 6 years. But I'm working on that. And I WILL get them resolved. I'm not going to owe much. I just need to help myself and get this problem behind me. The plus is that not only will it help my future but she will also take great notice if I can get them cleared up. All the changes I make for myself, no matter how much they are for me, theyre inextricably connected to her. Because they're issues that affect both of us and all my faults are TRULY situations that need to be fixed, for me and for her. I would say to everyone that no matter how much you GAL and say it's just for you (Unless you're totally over your WAS and have no intentions of ever getting back with them) the changes you make for yourself will always be motivated, in some small way, by the desire to win back their love...you just can't count on it. And that's my view. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst... I do, most certainly, care who she's with and what she's doing. I just don't obsess about it anymore. Literally, Mach1, the moment I stopped prying and spying, my jealousy subsided rapidly. Now I do wonder and crazy thoughts still enter my head. But I can control it so much better now! And the less I obsess and the less I spy the more I'm beginning to believe a lot of it was all in my head. Maybe it's not, maybe she is cheating. Right now it helps my sanity, my health and my ability to GAL to believe she's not. Maybe it's my love for her blinding me. I don't know. But ill cross that bridge if I ever get to it. I'm just turning into one of those ppl who'd rather not know. No ones perfect and I realize what she's going through has symptoms. This essential to be able to "hope for the best", you gotta let go and stop spying. It will kill you inside if you don't stop and you'll never be able to GAL. So there you go Mach. I think I'm "getting" this, but I also think some of it is manipulation, if you really love your WAS And desire them back don't believe that any change one makes doesn't include the hope that they will take notice.
I'm in Eagle River by the way. This state is an amazing place.
