Hi Water & Nev, Yes, I think that that is a good sign that he wants to be friendly. And I think it was great that he was so smiley. (And so was I-go karen, go karen).
I'm having so many mixed emotions right now. I've been praying about this R for years, I wish I felt more resolve.
I realize that I need to resolve these feelings~suggestions are greatly welcomed.
I am so angry/sad that he is on this trip w/o me. Yet, I hope it turns out good in that he really misses me and never wants to go camping w/o me. I am also angry b/c it was L & I who set up the dates and started the planning (but, yes, they are "his" friends) and that I am the one that got HIM into camping!!
I'm angry about the lies and how he blames me for everything that is wrong in the R. He did admit the other night that he didn't go about things in the right way, however. I am tired of his resentment and getting treated like I am second rate. (Call me stuck up, but I've never had a man not be more desirous of me). That sux. I hate not being told ILY and nice things.
Ok, back to me-for every finger pointing the other way, there are 3 pointing back at me, correct??? Here goes: I've been treating him poorly by not appreciating and accepting him for who he is, for being so demanding, for not trusting him, for embarrassing him in front of his friends, for not loving him w/his LL, for not being happy for him-but instead jealous and resentful, for trying to control him, for not believing in him, for not having faith in our R.
I felt a lot of ambivalence before we got married and after. We are diff. in a lot of ways. I don't like to sit still for very long. I like to travel a lot (and there ARE cheap ways to do so). I like adventure. When we were dating, he was all about trying new things and going places. Now, I get a lot of "no's" to doing stuff. I bought him an anniv. present, but I'm afraid he's not going to go through w/mine. (take me somewhere to spend the night). My bday is in a few weeks. (Will I get jilted like I have for other holidays). (And then get blamed for it myself?)
I'm tired of him wittholding affection-yet, that's what I do myself. They say that you hate in others what you hate in yourself. This should be a huge warning sign!!! Do unto others...It only takes one to tango...Yes, I am resistant to being the one to have to change. Stubborn? Afraid of being controlled myself? Afraid to be taken advantage of? Afraid to have the wool pulled over my eyes??? Yep-all of the above.
I lack faith-will he ever be to me what he once was before? Will he be better than that? Will he make the changes that he promised to make before we got married? Can we have a great R? Did we ever have a great R? Yes...when??? I know somewhere in these posts over the last year we have.
I was so inspired by Michele's "Getting Through to the Man You Love." And I practiced it-for six weeks. Then what happened? I WAS really happy, I was bragging about how great things were and how it was really working...then what???
I shall go find it...
thanks for listening. I want to get through this once and for all!
