Keep Wearing Wedding Band? [Thread #9]

[ForGump]

Will this ever end. I am so tired. I have had enough.
Previous Thread

I had one of these moments and accidentally dropped my STFU smoothie.

Funny expression, Gordie.

But yes, except for the family being nuked, it's an excellent way to keep the family bond going....

I think if the two people in the marriage worked on it TOGETHER for years I'd have far more sympathy. But one person deciding unilaterally that it's over ...

[Dawgs]

I think if the two people in the marriage worked on it TOGETHER for years I'd have far more sympathy. But one person deciding unilaterally that it's over ...

That gets me too, Gump. Just because they think the grass is greener. Mine's favorite thing now is the kids will be fine...yet she's blind as a f****ng bat.

[JRuss]

Sink clogs are firmly in the "she can call (and pay for) a plumber" camp, IMO. Especially if, as I suspect, you'll be paying child support for some time. And especially where, as you've suggested in the past, you were a Mr. Fixit-type during the M. You're going to derive a lot of benefit from not staying stuck in old patterns. And, truthfully, so will she.

Gordie -- my W's favorite phrase in that I-can't-handle-my-guilt zone is "Children are resilient". It's like fingernails on the chalkboard for me. I seriously want to scream whenever she says it. Some children are. Some aren't. Some perfectly great co-parents still manage to parent children who don't do ok w/r/t divorce. And our spouses have no idea how it's going to go, they just can't face it.

[JRuss]

Sorry -- meant Jeep, not Gordie. Was reading too many threads in a row.

[Dawgs]

Some perfectly great co-parents still manage to parent children who don't do ok w/r/t divorce. And our spouses have no idea how it's going to go, they just can't face it.

It never ceases to amaze me as to how many parents who destroy a family fall back on this line.

[Gordie]

Some perfectly great co-parents still manage to parent children who don't do ok w/r/t divorce. And our spouses have no idea how it's going to go, they just can't face it.

It never ceases to amaze me as to how many parents who destroy a family fall back on this line.

Script! I not only get the kids are resilient and kids will be fine...I get the kids will be happier if their mom is happier...sigh.

[ForGump]

My STBXW at least feels guilty and understands the sorrow my younger one feels. But I'm not sure exactly how she reconciles that with her decision to nuke the fam. I think she just compartmentalizes.

[ForGump]

Sink clogs are firmly in the "she can call (and pay for) a plumber" camp, IMO.

I think yer prolly right, JR. This is going to be painful, to watch her struggle, and possibly watch her world fall apart. I think things will get really hard for her before they get better. I wish her well and I keep wanting to jump in to help.....

[Dawgs]

I not only get the kids are resilient and kids will be fine...I get the kids will be happier if their mom is happier...sigh

Right there with you, my friend.

[Chris73]

Script! I not only get the kids are resilient and kids will be fine...I get the kids will be happier if their mom is happier...sigh.

+1 for me hearing these excuses.

I've also heard "People come in and out of your life for different reasons..."

It's all regurgitation of what she's heard from the other divorced or soon-to-be-divorced women in her circle of friends. Meanwhile almost all the research emphasizes that unless the relationship is abusive, the children will ALWAYS be better off in a single family household.

I'm not saying that two people should endure being unhappy just for the kids. But I am saying that two people should look to their kids as inspiration to work on rebuilding happiness in the marriage.