Help - Setting Boundaries, WW in EA - Thread #3

[Woke_Up]

Friday: when I got back, she asked me how I was. I said not the best, but I was calm. W told me that she would end it, that she wasn't going to leave for someone she had never met, she just needed to pick a day and I would need to take her devices off her. I said how about now, but W said she wasn't ready yet.

I told her that I had deleted the filthy message off her phone, and she said that that was what she didn't like, that I kept going weird and invading her privacy.

However, soon after she she started telling me that she thought I would go back to how I was, I would start being a [censored] again, that I never spoke to her, that I never had, etc. By the end I said it sounded like she had already talked herself out of it. She said she hadn't, so I just said ok, wished her goodnight, and left her room, went to bed and tried to sleep.

Saturday; D's birthday - had a great party for her with plenty of her school friends, kept me busy in the morning, and was a good time. Tried not to let things prey on my mind too much, but it was a struggle. Anyway, Saturday is well documented in my earlier post.

Sunday: Trapped into a rage fest... W asked me an innocuous sounding question 'What was I going to do with my inheritance'. I'm waiting on the sale of a house from my deceased aunt to proceed - it's not a lot of money, split 3 ways with my brothers, the house is in a really poor part of the country. Anyway, I said I would pay my tax, as I hadn't managed to save enough over the last 2 years. That was apparently the wrong answer. I was accused of being dishonest, of just saving the money (which is true, but I just used savings to pay this year's tax bill, so I want to replenish it) - Somehow I'm selfish and only thinking about what I can get for myself.

Then it degenerated into random accusations, stuff from the past, - I don't want to repeat exactly what it was, but it was enough to make me flip out as she insinuated I'd be happy to see my daughter harmed due to my previous political views (which incidentally, she is wrong on, but memory is selective) - we did have a lot of arguments last year about what was happening to the country and to Europe in general.

She also started saying that I had no right to invade her stuff, that she had found and read the leaflet on boundaries that I had printed out and that I should learn to respect them, that I was not to touch her things, she would put locks on the door, that I wasn't to hack her (not actually 'hacked' her for a long time). That I shouldn't have deleted things from her phone, stuff that she wanted to keep, that she would just have to ask for more. I said she was sick. I also sent another message to OM at this point, I was quite angry.

There was also a lot of stuff about the house, I said the wrong thing again (You/the kids don't need such a big house, if we split up we need 2 smaller houses) - etc etc. Stupid, I know. She accused me of being exactly like her father, that was what he had said. Different circumstances. Definitely wrong thing to say though.

There was also stuff about me 'stealing her bed, her room, her bathroom' again, and that she wouldn't go no contact with OM while I was stealing her bed. I just told her that if that was her bed, she should point out to me where my bed was, as I couldn't think of another one that was mine...

All in all - it was a rage build up & release. I think back to Surfers posts to me early on. Drama triangle stuff, verbal abuse and rage build ups and pay offs. It fits.

She was a lot calmer Sunday night. Almost as if it hadn't happened. I have no idea or the necessary skills with how to deal with these moments. She said she was lonely, and that she was a sad person, when I asked why. I said I was also lonely at the moment. She said I didn't talk to her - I told her it was difficult in the circumstances. She then asked a strange question - she asked me to put her off the OM - point out his flaws etc. I said she shouldn't really be asking me, that it was a bit inappropriate, but she asked 'why?' and to help her. I ran through what I saw as the defects in the EAP.

Monday: Morning, W & I talked some more and again said she was going to get rid of her EAP, but that he would try and get her back - he had contacted her through twitter last time she had blocked him. That I would have to have her phones and reply to him if he got in touch saying it was me. She showed me some message she had sent - saying that I had contacted again, but exaggerating the content. Telling her I had said I was going to beat his a$$...

I hadn't, I actually asked him what would his parents think about him sending disgusting messages to another man's wife. WW thought this was really funny when I told her. Especially as he is nearly 30. Then again, he lives in a trailer on his parents property, I think, so I guess what they think may be important... He'd also said he would kill me if I ever came to Florida, that I better not go on his property. I guess threatening to tell mom & pop riled him up

Later, W asked me to pick up a valentines card for me from her when I was out shopping with D, and some flowers would be nice. She asked this in front of the kids. So basically I bought 3 cards... one for me from her, one for her from me, and 1 that D liked. I also bought the damn flowers, I was also buying some for SS16 to give to his girlfriend, and a single stem that D5 picked out for herself - one of those printed multicoloured roses.

W put the flowers in water that night.

Tuesday, valentines day: W wrote out a card for me (mind you didn't put her name in it, probably in case I sent a photo to OM). In the card she said I was sexy and that she loved me.

I wrote her a card from D5, and got D5 to sign it.

I went out to pick up a few things from a shop later, for her Grandma's birthday (yes, I am still running her errands), and got on the phone to DB to book some coaching. First session on Saturday. I hope I can get some privacy away from W & kids.

I didn't give her her card..... until I [censored] relented at about 10PM.

I tried to speak to her about stuff. She only wanted to talk about her Botox and how she wasn't happy with the results. I told her it had been a difficult day, after being told on Monday that she would get rid of the EAP, and then her not doing it again. I asked if she wanted help to do it, but she said she would do it on her own. She told me I should relax!!!!! Anyway, I said I appreciated her giving me a valentines card and reaching out to me, and then told her I had left her card in her room.

We also ended up ML. (I know, the disapproval is palpable)

I am back at square 1. This is ridiculous. I need to stop myself focussing on the OM and her comms with him. I fully expect to get sh!te from the vets here, as I know I am letting myself be manipulated by someone better at the game than me. Much better. I failed to stand up to my own boundary yet again. Another meaningless ultimatum. She must smell the desperation on me.

On a happier note, I started new contract today, so back at work - won't be around home so much. Early starts and late finishes are back. I'll miss having so much extra time with D5, but it's good to be back in work again after 2 weeks out.

I will also be able to dig out my DR book and start refreshing. I have had to have it well hidden the last 2 , as she has pretty much gone through every bit of paper of mine she could find, at some point. I really don't need her finding the book.

Anyway, apologies for this long and rambling update.