Quote: Also, having paranoia b/c H took cordless phone outside w/him last night for a long time. He never uses the cordless, but his cell-which i get the bill for.
Since you are sep, and you're paying for the cell, have you asked him to contribute to the cost? Especially since it sounds like he wracks up the calls.
Quote: So, what kind of plan can I have being sep.?
Well...depends on what your short-term goals are. You should really focus on yourself. Sounds like you're still somewhat obsessing over your H. In other words, don't put your life on hold for him.
But, other than that, try to create some mystery. It can be hard, since you leave together. (My H could have been a member of the Spanish Inquisition...I had such a hard time keeping things from him!) But maybe, when you come home, have a new hairstyle, or dye it a different color, or buy some new clothes. That sort of thing.
Quote: I keep having shoulda coulda woulda thoughts.
Don't worry about those! Just figure out where you're going now. I have those all of the time--wish I had found DB during the first sep, or even before this last sep...that sort of thing. It's natural, but it draws your focus away from what you should be concentrating on.
Quote: Am I really that bad??? Am I stupid? Am I a fool?
I don't think so. Don't let those thoughts get to you.
Just figure out where you're going now. I have those all of the time--wish I had found DB during the first sep, or even before this last sep...that sort of thing. It's natural, but it draws your focus away from what you should be concentrating on.
