So Confused and Conflicted

[WshIKnw]

In the session you had the right to defend yourself - but did you do it attackingly back to her? Mine did the same thing...later on when I did the IC (my IC was also our MC) sessions, she felt the ex blew up like that because of her guilt. Guilt over her affair, etc.

Well, I was talking about defending myself in arguments with her. I'm sure the marriage counselor would have never let her snowball into the tirades she can get into now. When defending myself, I would mostly just refute things she said. The most recent thing I can think of was her complaining that I watched porn. My response to her was something like "It was too bad that you never really complained about that before, when I could actually do something about it. Instead, you just said things like, 'Well, I know all guys do it', which made me feel like it was okay that I did it some." I was a real fool, but I was learning. She's not giving me a chance to learn. She was my first love, man. I don't have much experience. And never thought I needed to read the books I was given, because she seemed happy with me. Boy was I wrong.

I have wanted to go to IC, even years ago when my wife was asking me to go for anxiety, but my job requires a security clearance, and they want to know when you see people for mental health. I haven't wanted to lose my job on top of losing my wife. And when we didn't seem to be in danger in the marriage, I just didn't want to lose the job, but I know that a man without a job is also a very unattractive thing to a woman. So, I knew that it wasn't just risking the job, either. It was also risking her. They shouldn't care about people seeing a mental health therapist for just anxiety and depression, but I don't know that they don't care. And then there's the risk that the therapist will say you have something else that's scarier, whether you do or not. It's putting a lot of trust in your therapist.