I went to see my psychologist (the one I started seeing almost 2 years ago). I had forgotten about the appt., and I couldn't stay b/c of a team lunch, so I showed up so I wouldn't get charged for no show. I only talked to her for about 15 min., but that was PLENTY. I was gonna ditch her today, but she seemed iffy about not charging me, so I played like everything was fine.
And, she gave me bad advice. I was kind of testing her. It seems like she WANTS me to feel bad!!! This is how it went:
I tell her what's going on and about our "break." She makes faces and asks me questions. Like how long it was supposed to last and she said that in order to be separated, one usually goes to live somewhere else. She says, "don't you think that is hard to be in the same house?" me: "well, yeah, but we are always busy doing other things, i have plans every day this week, and we stay in separate rooms." Her: "Do you feel like you are being punished?" Me: "no, I'm trying not to. I don't think that's what it is." Then she says, "don't you think you need to do ask him for a time to re-assess to make yourself feel better?" Me: "No, b/c that would be pushing him. He asked for time, so I need to give it to him. I messed up last week b/c I tried to talk to him, but now I am not. You've been telling me all this time to NOT control him. I need to respect it, as hard as it is for me." "So you feel abandoned & rejected." Me: "um...no. It's "break" to hopefully be able to step back and put things in perspective and/or decide if he wants to be in the marriage" (or something like that) "Well, if things don't change in a couple weeks, it would seem like a decision has been made, don't you think?" (Like about whether to stay together or not.) Me: "Um...no, not necessarily...I'm hoping that it won't last very long, but I'm not going to ask him."
So, as I was listening to her I was thinking that this lady is off her rocker! & told myself to let it go in one ear and out the other.
I tell you, I SINCERELY feel different. DB'ing is definitely the way to go. Can you imagine if I said, "ok, I need to know by such and such a date if you want to stay married to me or not"? HELLO!!! I mean, I do wish that I hadn't started this in the first place, but I did. I must get on the horse and DO WHAT I AM SUPPOSED TO DO. Rock on!
I love him and hope this doesn't last long! We are either staying out of the house or staying in diff. rooms. Yesterday we were next to each other, but i just grabbed my stuff and left w/o making eye contact.
I've been hanging out with friends, and my sister and her kids (she's my buddy again!), and walking the dogs, and started scrapping again...AND, I even got a book from the library to read for PLEASURE! I said this on Sage's thread-I'm not going to talk to my friends anymore about this or call them up bawling. If I want to call someone, I'll call myself or write an email to myself and answer it. ha ha But seriously.
He and his (and my) friends are going camping this wkd. As far as I know he is going w/o me. It is hurting like heck and I am hoping that I can go, but I just don't think that it will happen.
