Hello...can you hear me?

[Georgiabelle]

Thanks for stopping by Betsy. You always give the best advice and ask the "good" questions. I took a break for a bit and now I am back. I do appreciate you pushing me and in all honesty, I'm not sure I have an answer. Maybe I wonder if I have it in me to really "be" with someone right now?

I was out of town last week. And I felt good. I had lots of meetings with clients and I really enjoy those. It was nice to have a bit of free time and hang out with one of my coworkers. I didn't "miss" NG, yet we went to a concert when I returned and had a great time. I was really happy to be with him. When we have a little time alone, I feel connected to him and think I want to be with him. He is a fantastic guy-even wrote a song for me and played it on his guitar. It's the life stuff that throws me for a loop. Like all grownups, it feels like a constant juggling act and some days I think I don't have it in me to continue to juggle it all. I certainly know I am not unique in these feelings. But, if I am being honest,I love the ease I have with NG. However, and I have to bring this up because eh...it kind of made my head spin.

Ex Mr. GB moved out 3 years ago today. He has been acting a bit odd the last several months. Sending me an old pic. Asking me if I remember x, y or z. He broke up with his gf. He did say to a mutual friend (and allegedly all over Twitter), that he wonders if he made a mistake 3 years ago. That maybe he didn't really try. Granted, I know ex Mr. GB. He does like attention and a good pity party. Heck, I like a pity party too with queso and coconut margaritas. I digress. This means nothing I totally understand that. It does still make me sad that my family is no longer intact. I genuinely believe ex Mr. GB did the best he could with the tools he had. And a severe mental illness. And I know he is a good person. But somehow, it bothers me that he reaches out so I try to remain cordial but neutral. If I engage with a funny memory, he will disappear. So, I am friendly, yet still sad this caca ended this way. I believe that will always leave me with a certain level of sadness. Doesn't mean I don't move on or forward, just means it IS sad when your family falls apart. Period.

Also, I am really struggling with my weight. People around me are getting thinner and I feel like a balloon. I work out 6 hours a week and I swear I could smell a cookie and my jeans get super snug. I'm trying to mix it up more because this really plays a number on me. I look at people eating normal food and I think "how does that work?" Plus, I took this headshot at work and I could not feel worse. I wasn't dressed for head shots, hair was wet, and I had on a plaid shirt. The angle is underneath and I think it is the worst photo I have ever seen of myself. Argh!!!

I digress. NG is coming over to make dinner tonight for me and my people. My little one did tell me that I am always his Valentine. Swooooooon.