I find myself ruminating too much over losing time with S after D and whether H will hook up with OW after D. Two things I have no control over.
I think I have come to understand why I am concerned about losing time with S, now I have to figure out why I am so concerned about H and OW. What lies beneath? Unfortunately, I don't even know where to begin.
This is something I am working on. I keep asking myself why is it so important to me that H and OW's relationship not work out? Why? I have asked my therapist this question and we have explored the possibility that my obsession with that question is a mere distraction to the other painful issues I am experiencing. While I agree that is certainly a possibility; I can't help but feel there is something deeper. The problem is I don't know how to uncover it. Where do I begin? Any suggestions? Anyone deal with this before and find an answer?
I think H is more reacting to the boundary setting rather than losing time with S. Because the reality is H can adjust his work hours and go in an hour early and leave an hour late. Problem solved. But he doesn't seem to want to do this. From my perspective, if he really wanted the alone time with S, then he could make the adjustment to his schedule. His choice not to adjust his hours speaks volumes to me about what is really the issue in all this.
So, just like an angry, resentful teenager, H is now "retaliating" for my boundary setting. First, he has stopped making me my morning coffee. Lol! (That'll show me, huh?) What a childish and immature reaction. I think someone here predicted this would happen.
Second, he has prepared some divorce papers. (He left them in a folder on our desk.)
I keep thinking of what HeartsBlessing and others have repeatedly said "the marriage is already dead." I won't be losing anything that isn't already lost if he files.
During H's affair he would meet up with OW while doing household errands on the weekend. This weekend, I suspect he met up with her. I have no proof. Just a feeling. Also, this evening he says he has a work meeting and might be late coming home. Uh, it's Valentine's Day, do I look stupid? I suspect he is up to something.
My question is this, since he has gone so far as to prepare papers, and I suspect he is meeting up with OW (don't know for certain), should I set a firm boundary? I told H that my plan was to take S out to dinner. He told me that he would text me and let me know if the meeting runs late, but if it doesn't he would meet up with us. Now, I don't know if there really is a meeting or if he is meeting up with OW. If I tell him "no" and it really was a work-related delay, I imagine it will only create more resentment and just create more justification in his mind for what he is doing. On the other hand, isn't my saying "no" a consequence of the mistrust he has created.
