Hi All,
the weekend turned out to be ok. I only saw H for about half a minute at the river. We kissed and hugged hello. He asked me where I was going (don't know if he meant at the river or out later). I said that I didn't know, he said, ok, and that he had to go to the bathroom. I took my sister home and went out w/my friend and her brother. Didn't stay out too late. Part of me wanted to stay out later than H, but my feet were hurting from my sandals and I was tired from having been drinking earlier at the river.

Sat. H asked me to shop for his aunts' bday presents, which I did. I came home and he was napping, so I crawled into bed with him. We got up and decided to go to dinner, and he started to touch me and . It was great. We went to din, then decided to go home and watch a movie. He asked me if it was ok that we didn't go out and I said yes.

Sunday morn. I init. . It doesn't seem as good as when he does. Seems like he acts a lot closer to me when he initiates, or I'm just somewhat paranoid. I backed off and didn't init. all week. He mowed the lawn and I went to the grocery store. I had to cook a few dishes for the bday party. Right before I left for the store, his mom had his dad call and leave him a message. It was to ask if I was bringing a cheesecake to the party. I got frustrated and took off for the store. Later, H asked me if I was ok, I said i didn't know. We cooked (H was great help), started to watch a movie. I wasn't into it and told him that I wasn't in the right mind set and went to take shower, do my nails, etc. (basically-doing my own thing).

We leave and in the car I hugged him and told him that I wasn't upset with him. He said, "then what's your problem?" nice...I told him I felt frustrated b/c his mom and I had several convo's about what each of us were doing for the party. I said, "I have NEVER not done something or NEVER did not go where I said I was going to be." He said that she prob. just forgot and that other ppl in the fam. forget things too. (referring to me).

We get there and she asked him what was up with me, he told her, she came to me and said she didn't mean it like that, that she forgot, that she loves me, etc. That was nice. I realize that I could have just called her while I was out to the store and cleared the air rather than getting upset about it.

Went to party, it was ok. All they do is talk cat stories...I parted to visit my friend in hospital for an hour or so, came back for h. We drove home, he was getting out of the car and threw something into the front seat and slammed a couple doors. WTF???

So, I feed the dogs, wait a few min., h lays down on the couch. I ask what is wrong. He says "Everyone is pissing me off this week." I asked how so/what happened? He said that he wasn't happy about the "crap that I pulled with his mother," and that his dad pissed him off. How so? Well, H had offered to re-roof their garage and yesterday his dad told him that he wants the whole thing hand-nailed. H thinks there is nothing wrong with using a nail gun and is not willing to do it if his dad only wants it hand-nailed. But...he did not tell him this. He said nothing and left their house mad.

I ask what bothered him about the me and his mother sitch. He said that I was doing the whole assuming the worst thing and that he had to hear me complain about that kind of stuff again. I said, "I did what I was supposed to do-I was doing my own thing and not involving you. YOU asked me what was wrong." silence. (I did'n't say it bitchy, but ...give me a break...this is what we agreed to-if I get upset, I'm to deal with it myself. that's what I was doing!)

Furthermore, I know that work was really bothering h this week, but he didn't want to talk about it. He said that he just needs a vaca. I said, "well, we're camping in two weekends." He says, "but J will be being his butt-head self and if K&C go, they'll take their baby, and then there's the B/B whole interaction thing. (those 2 girls not getting along as well). Sheesh!

So, I hugged him several times and just tried to listen w/o offering "advice." I did ask him if he could take the monday off after the camping trip to have to himself. He even cried. We re-watched the movie since I fell asleep during it the night before and went to bed. This morn. he still seemed unhappy as he went to work.

I don't know what to do! Ok, not to be mean, but does he not see that he's responsible for his own feelings??? This is the man that was mad about me being upset about my job and not changing my job or my attitude. And, mad at me for not clearing the air w/o making assumptions...And, now he's assuming that all of HIS friends are going to misbehave on the camping trip??? What is going on???

I guess the positive is that he DID talk to me, I DID listen, we did NOT get into a fight, I was supportive and did not turn it back to me. It does seem that sometimes when I am emotionally stronger, that it becomes his turn to have emotions/get some things out.

My goals:
1. To act as if even if I have a prob. with someone ELSE. -deal with them accordingly and leave H out of it.

2. Give H space.

3. Be pleasant around him, let him talk if he wants to or be in a bad mood if he wants to be. No pressure/no expectations.

4. Continue doing my own thing.

Anything else??
Thanks!
karen