Thanks Pam! Last night went fine. H & I took our separate bike routes and then a group of us went to dinner. Dinner was fine-I was pleasant towards H. I didn't ask him about his evening Wed. b/c I had this feeling that it would feel more like an interrogation. We went home, and when we were in bed, I asked if he wanted to spoon. He said that he would when he cooled off. Well, both of us fell asleep.
This morn. when we said goodbye I told him that I wasn't coming home after work. He asked what I was doing and who with. I said gf, sister and I are going to the river and then out. He said, "ok, then I'll see you at the river sometime."
I had an idea that if I see him talking to his ex, that I would go up and say hi to her also. Or, if I see her walking around somewhere else, I will talk to her. We are on good terms, and we have talked before. I even called her last year and apologized for flipping out at the river. She wasn't mad, but she was glad that I called and very reassuring that she & h do not have romantic feelings for one another. So, why can't I get this through my thick skull? Oh, I guess I just answered that myself.
A lot of other ppl don't understand the sitch either and think that he shouldn't talk to her and that she has no place in our R, and that h should be more sensitive. Well, I certainly don't think that he shouldn't talk to her. I see plenty of old bf's and I still talk to them-even if H is there. In fact, he has met several of my ex's.
There is part of this that I still harbor feelings over that I would like to get over. When H and I first started dating, he told me that they were still friends and talk/do dinner from time to time. I said, "that's fine!" (Good DB'er back then when I didn't even know it!) Well, as time went on and I got more "attached" to him, I felt more and more threatened. He tried to reassure me and even showed me an email that she wrote him. I kept bringing it up and getting upset about it, and eventually he would start to get angry. He was really concerned that I didn't trust him and that if I didn't trust him, then why should we have an R? Well, I wanted to marry him, so I mustered up some guts-he wanted to invite her to the recp. I did not protest. She didn't come. He was mad b/c she said that she was and then never called or wrote to say that she wasn't.
So, they didn't talk for a long time after that. Since then, they have, and got that cleared up. She thought that since it was my day, that she shouldn't be there and possibly be a distraction for his family (or me). I appreciated this and told her (when I called her to apologize).
About half a year ago, the subject came up of her and the recp. He told me what she said (I never told him that I called her). I said, "that's nice. I appreciate that." And somehow, he ends up telling me that if he thought that I would be uncomfortable, that he wouldn't have invited her. WHAT???????? I said, "No, you were so adamant about me trusting you, that you were going to invite her and I was supposed to accept that." So, what's up with that? I feel like he wasn't sensitive to my feelings at the time, and I harbor some resentment. Lots of ppl that I talk to understand me being jealous and think that it was weird or inappropriate for them to get together for dinner.
Ppl would say what H needs to do. Well, obviously, I can only change myself. Furthermore, I think he does make a good point-he should be able to talk to anyone and that if I don't trust him, then we have bigger issues.
