Working on a Trial Separation Agreement with MLC H

[ccgrrl]

Thanks, Job. That does make more sense to me. For the most part, I am pretty happy with who I am because we had a very supportive marriage that allowed both of us to pursue our true interests, often at the expense of economic stability, so I think I'm kind of in an opposite situation to most people. We mostly did stay true to who we were and both of us pursued creative lives at the expense of stable, secure lives.

The 180 thing has been a difficult concept for me from the beginning, because I don't want to be someone I'm not in order to save my marriage. I want us both to be who we authentically are and save the marriage if that can work. I think one thing I have done - which runs counter to his complaint that I didn't need him enough and that he didn't fill any role in the household - is continually expect him to fill in the gaps in terms of income, work, and stability when I was working to capacity. I now see that this is not who he is.

He never wanted a family, a set of responsibilities, a relationship with accountability. He wanted a romance that lasted a lifetime. Although he does not regret having our children, he never would have initiated that, and when we had our second child (2010), I think that's when a lot of this stuff started because I think he was disappointed that the new baby added another several years to the time in our marriage where parenting would be #1 priority and romance would take a back seat. I guess I was fine with that, but he wasn't.

I still need him to do some things, but that's not the kind of need he means. Like I have no idea how to operate the power-drill, but I need to hang a bulletin board in my son's room. I asked him if we had a drill. He said yes and then offered to help. But when I took him up on it, he started telling me how I shouldn't put the bulletin board up anyway because it will probably fall down and ruin the wall, so .... I don't think he is capable of doing any of the things I need him to do right now. I guess I should ask when I need him anyway, though??

And thanks re: Valentines... I will put a card aside just in case ;-}