MLC? Maybe you can tell me...

[Bird]

HaWho, SBJ, NLW, Brubeck and Peacetoday... thank you all for your kind welcomes and insight. I'm hoping to continue to learn how to apply this wisdom effectively in the coming months. It's been what... 10 months since BD and I still feel like I got the wind knocked out of me.

I'm having a tough week. I feel like I get to a point where I'm gathering steam and moving along nicely, and then something knocks me off my horse, you know? I've been running 3x a week and signed up last week for my first 5k. But also last week I got off my running game due to some busy evenings and no time to run.

Then my birthday was Saturday, which friends and family made extra special for me, but still it was tough. H had the girls - D12 had the stomach bug and was in bed but D10 and I got together so I could take her to breakfast on Saturday. It was just a weird day and not one I'd like to repeat. Still, I turned 42 and since it's the answer to everything in the Universe, I'm hoping that things start to make sense for me this year.

Then, last night we had a huge snowstorm. The news had been hyping it all weekend and it started yesterday afternoon. By the time we woke up today there was a good 12 or more inches in my driveway and a solid 2-1/2 feet at the end where the plows had snowed us in. Part of the agreement with H moving out was that he would still keep up the house as though he was here, be it snow removal or mowing. He was not to be seen this morning so I texted him. Waited 45 mins (late to work now) and no reply, so I called a plow guy and ordered a plow. Then H finally texts me back and says he'd turn around from his commute to work. I texted back (which I should not have done) and said I wasn't sure why when he had to shovel himself out why he wouldn't think the driveway would be done, but then I'm trying to temper my expectations...(I was an hour late for work at this point and was hopping mad) He texts back and says he has turned around and is coming over. I told him not to bother, that plow guy already answered. I got a contrite apology and he said he'd stop over tonight in case it needed it again. Plow guy didn't show up until noon so I ended up having to take a vacation day. H comes by around 6 and snowblows the turnaround that the plow guy plowed in (we have a 200' driveway and a two lane spot by the garage to turn around in). Which then made me feel bad for being snotty this morning, even though he is the one who failed to keep up his end of the deal. I texted him to say thank you for blowing out the turnaround, he texted back and said he was sorry again about this morning.

I just feel crappy now. I'm upset that he didn't do the driveway, upset that I lost my temper, upset that he apologized 3 times and fixed it, upset that he isn't here. It just [censored]. And tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and for the first time in 20 years, I hate it. I did do something special for the girls for when they wake up, and I'm taking them to dinner tomorrow (they refused to leave me to spend Valentine's with their dad). I told him he could come by after we get home from dinner so that he can give them their valentines from him.

Ugh. I was just feeling so good until the end of last week and now I feel like a hot mess all over again. I thought it was the MLCrs who were supposed to cycle? I find myself wondering if he got OW a valentine. I need to climb out of my black hole again.