I have only started to read your sitch, but let me just say that you should be so proud of who you area....first as a woman who is standing for her marriage despite everything you have been through, and second as a mother.
I can not imagine going through all of this with a little one at home and one on the way. The fact that you are still sane speaks volumes about who you are
You said this in one of your post.....
"I feel a lot of confusion between hating the person he is, and missing and still loving the one he was"
That resonated with me and I definitely feel that same way.
I don't have much to say as far as things you can do in your sitch to make it better, because it sounds like you are doing quite well given the circumstances. I just wanted to say hang in there and stay strong.
