It's happening

[Zues126]

I totally understand. When I was married my XW was a SAHM, so she did the majority of the cooking, laundry, bill paying, and miscellaneous things like changing lightbulbs and getting tabs put on cars. I just had to crush it at work.

The problem is that splitting into two households creates a lot of redundancies both in work and in finances.

Financially there are two households to pay for, two electric bills, garbage bills, phone bills, internet bills, and surprisingly groceries seem to cost more individually as well.

Work wise there are two sets of lawns to mow, twice the number of bills to be paid, light bulbs to change, bathrooms to clean, etc.

Essentially you are working full time and running the house and parenting all at once. It's taking what used to be two jobs and requiring you to do both of them. There's a reason people used to stay married.

I got reprieve. My mother moved in with me and has helped me tremendously with the kids and with cooking and dishes. She helps with the kids laundry even. It has given me the chance to focus on my work in a time when I am really behind the 8 ball.

Without that luxury I don't know what to recommend. I was really exhausted for the first two years on my own. I just got through one day at a time, because I had to. I still feel that way with what's on my plate, but it has gotten a bit more manageable for me. Maybe you'll catch a lucky break at some point and it will get easier.

The only thing you can do for now is to really rest up when you have a break. When your son is with mom and you have a weekend to yourself, get some good recovery in. I have every other Saturday for myself. I try to make it count. For me it's playing pool. I even toyed with the idea of starting to smoke pot, it seemed like a potentially beneficial idea for every other Saturday. But then I figured I don't need to flirt with anything right now that could cause problems.

Also, I try to get a lot of sleep at night. I've been getting 8-9 hours. I need it. I'm sleeping more than I ever have. It's the only way I can get through.

So lots of sleep and lots of self care during your little breaks.

And most of all, suffer through because you have to, and feel free to vent away. We get it.

Thank you Zuess, I really value your response. You have helped me through some of the most darkest of times this past year. You helped open my eyes as to the size and complexity of my situation.
Yes I am trying to get lots of rest and to do things for myself when S14 is with his mother. I still get pretty worked up when I have to see her...she brings some pretty huge feelings of anxiety. If it weren't for my S14 I would skip this town so fast it would make the wind blow! I have to buck up for him, just a few more years. Who knows, by then I am sure I will be in a different place mentally, but I still think that it will be hard to erase 21 years in just a few months. I miss her even though i cant stand her if that makes sense. I had a dream about her last night. I came home for lunch and she had made me some food. I was so touched I broke down crying because for the first time in forever she made a gesture to show me she loved me. Well just a dream.

I sleep well when I work out, I am trying to hit the gym or do a vigorous activity 4 times a week. I went snowboarding two Sundays in a row with my S14. We had a blast! I still got it

Impressive!

Yeah, it's only four years, but by then you will have adapted and be over XW. You'll get reprieve the minute you no longer need it. Fan-blanking-tastic.

Oh well, at least you can assure yourself it's not forever. I played pool with my best friend on Saturday, he told me he lights a candle for me for every day I can't play because I play so artistically it would be like if the most beautiful song in the world was never heard by anyone. I told him that my D6 turns 18 on 11/03/2029, and then I was selling everything I owned, quitting my job, and just playing pool on the road. I told him I put it on my calendar for 11/04/2029 and that I'd allow my daughter through the end of her birthday to secure alternative lodgings

As for your feelings about XW, yeah, I get it. People that haven't been divorced think that it's like grieving a big loss. It isn't. It's more like grieving a few hundred little losses, because it impacts you in so many strange ways you wouldn't realize. It's like instead of Hanukkah we celebrate Divorcukkah and each day you get a new package with a different card that tells you another way you will now hurt forever, and the holiday goes on for like 761 days. Funny this never caught on as a mainstream holiday. I think it has potential. But trust us, it does get easier. I'm closing in on 1,000 days and I've almost normalized the nightmarish world we're in to the point that I don't notice it anymore. It's like zombie apocalypse, but I found out that some of those zombies are fun to hang out with, and brains taste a lot like chicken.

Peace C!