Agree with JR here. I don't think you can manage her finances for her. I'd do it more in an advisory capacity where you are willing to help but not do it for her. i.e. You're there if she has a question but that's it.
Hang in there brother.
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
I'll jump on the band wagon here. It's ok to give advice, but she wanted to stand on her own two feet, then let her. Think this goes back to the codependency thing we've been talking about.
M:41 H:43 T:26yrs M:19 yrs S:15 D1:14 D2:9 Living together but separated
I'll jump on the band wagon here. It's ok to give advice, but she wanted to stand on her own two feet, then let her. Think this goes back to the codependency thing we've been talking about.
These mlcs wind me up when they want some thing they come to us for help,then when they got what they want through us back under the bus, Also I believe helping them is enabling opossite to what we should be doing, As long as the kids are OK I wouldent help my wife at all,I also believe making things tuff for them helps them thru the tunnel, like the saying some times you have to be cruel to be kind,I don't like making things hard for my w,I'm total opposite to that,but no way am I helping her with this madness,my kids know where I am if they need me,
Me 56 w52 M30 years 4x adult kids W dad died/11 W wanted d 03/12 In-house sep 03/12 D 2014 I pushed W Left on 02/16 I pushed Pa on 07/16 Nc after 07/16 W Cakeating 15to16 Me doormat 12to16 Limbo 12to16
I wouldn't be so fast to lump things under the generalization of MLC. Some are, some aren't. Sometimes we just look for a label to help us better understand why things are done to us.
She is on her own road and needs to figure out how to travel it herself...on her own.
Last edited by Cadet; 02/14/1705:11 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I certainly don't plan on coming back and start mowing the lawn and picking up dog poop in the backyard. My W's asking me to help her switch over the bills to her name and get things set up in the beginning, but she's not asking for on-going help. I think there is something healthy in that desire, for her to want to be empowered and independent, and I'm OK helping her transition.
Not sure what I'd do though if, say, the sink clogs in the bathroom that my kids use. Should I come over and fix it for them? Or tell my XW to call a plumber. I think many in here would say stop serving cake. I think DB coaches would say be warm & kind.
The night we told the kids about the D and my W saw how hard our younger one took it, my W messaged me expressing extreme sorrow and a sense of failure. I was sorely tempted to respond saying, "then why the #$@! are you doing this?" But I didn't respond. I still kind of wish I had.
I didn't think it'd really change the path that she's on. Like Jeep said, it's a journey she's on and ain't no one or nothing going to stop her except herself. Sad, but I see this whole thing was set in place long ago, even before she was born, starting w/ the kind of parents she had.
100383 -- I hope you're out there reading, and holding on and doing ok.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
ForGump: Not sure what I'd do though if, say, the sink clogs in the bathroom that my kids use. Should I come over and fix it for them? Or tell my XW to call a plumber. I think many in here would say stop serving cake. I think DB coaches would say be warm & kind.
Gordie: I'm asking myself the same question. No answer.
ForGump: The night we told the kids about the D and my W saw how hard our younger one took it, my W messaged me expressing extreme sorrow and a sense of failure. I was sorely tempted to respond saying, "then why the #$@! are you doing this?" But I didn't respond. I still kind of wish I had.
Gordie: I had one of these moments and accidentally dropped my STFU smoothie. We came to an important agreement on one of the D settlement issues. W said "I think this will be really good for the family...don't you agree?" Long pause. Gordie says, "Yes, if you ignore the fact that I don't want a D and think it will be terrible for the family..." Yeah, I know. This was not DB approved, but it just came out.
Last edited by Cadet; 02/15/1709:47 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
