I saw your request for help, and although I'm very reluctant to post what I've been thinking, I think someone needs to give you some nudges out of this funk you continually create and dwell in.
For as long as I can remember, you've had plenty of help from other Piecers: both from folks who have been able to successfully heal their marriages and from others who have done the right stuff but not been able to pull it off.
You are one of the few fortunate people who have been on this BB and had access to skills and knowledge and support while having your H at home. Yet you continually come up with excuses for your behaviors and backslides.
It's frustrating to watch! Your continual usage of the conjunction BUT is hard to navigate. You ask for help and correct those behaviors and attitudes for a little while, but then revert to your former behaviors.
Why? Why do you continually sabotage success?
It seems as though you ask people how to skydive and when they tell you to pack your parachute, you come up with reasons on why you don't want to take the time to do that. Well, for whatever reason, you've been able to jump and live. But the way I see it, every time you jump out of that plane you are pushing your luck by not packing that chute yourself. One day, you're going to die.
If you are demonstrating any or all of this frustrating pattern at home, I am afraid I would be as confused and angry as your H seems to be (from your posts). What is fun about dealing with a woman who continually wants to indulge in pity parties? A woman who has come out point blank to ask for help from numerous people and then does things her own way?
I really am sorry to post this to you. I don't deliberately attempt to hurt people. You asked for input, and I'm giving it to you.
My gut feeling tells me that you feel sucky because you know that this story is going to have a miserable ending if you don't change. I can promise you it will. And I'm not sure I'll be venturing over here to give you more input if he leaves you, Karen. You've been at this for a really long time.
My question to you: Why don't you feel you deserve to be happy?
(((((Karen))))) I care. But you need to care more.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
