Just thought I would update/Journal a touch ... seems like its been awhile.
The past 3 weeks there has been more exchanges/temp checks/anchor tests than I can recall in the past year combined almost. With my killer mindreading skillz I decided I just have no idea where this is all coming from, most likely a collection of things that she is going through and I am far from knowing any of that thankfully.
Little recap as I do take dillegent notes for my own snaity and in the art of tracking the MLC Science project.
3 Weeks ago a RARE call from MLCr sharing BIL3 lost his job and was talking suicide only to have a TM later sent she should not have told me.
2 Weeks ago TM dealing with S10 and how he was constipated... this was crazy as at that point of the text S10 had been with me for 3 days.
Last week MLCr shares that S10 released all his emotions and is having issues dealing with our pending D, he is 'torn and confused' and requires therapy. (Along with this were her sharing frustrations about the communication or the lack there of between her and I which I had not really picked up on as my main concern was S10, but re-reading the TM exchange the shots were there about my not being able to be in the same room with her for more than 5 minuets, how I am still angry .... typical projections) S10 is open with me, and as no kid wants his parents to D he does understand a bit of what is going on, only said mom was acting a bit cray that night as she was upset with BIL3. After a few days ... turns out S10 was not very talkative on the phone with BIL3 so that was how the MLCr diagnosed he requires therapy, since then no word of setting up an appointment.
This weekend was S10's Birthday party, first time I have really had to spend any amount of time in her presence, I was very calm and social with the other parents ... also made sure all the financials were inline with MLCr in a very kind way, even took all the presents to her car for her... thanked her via TM afterwards for setting up the party for S10.
All in all I have been reflecting a bit, my life is in a really good place ... personally I am involved in 2 sports that take up 2 days a week, my DJ gig has been amazing and the club has a very nice offer on the table that I will probably accept which will help me pay off a good number of items. Work has been going VERY well as we installed new equipment and expanded the shop. Every aspect of my life has improved ... even spiritually I feel God is guiding me, not sure where ... but I feel at peace and feel I am on the correct path.
The only 'hole' is the loss of family/wife which continues to be a void. Its not as sharp a pain ... discussing with my fellas in my group that is the common source of the 'mehs' at times, the loss of innocence, the loss of the partner you thought you would grow old with. Logically I have accepted this, emotionally at times it makes me pause, its not that it hurts as much but it does feel like there is just something off balance in my universe, I continue to grow and heal and have Faith God will make this all apparent to me in His timeline.
