AND I play sax in bands about 90 times a year - mostly within an hour of my house. I travel out of state about a dozen times a year.
It comes down to priorities. The more you write about your lifestyle -- the more it sounds, despite what you say, as if you really do not have room in your life for a serious relationship.
You argue that you do -- but you prioritize your music gigs, as you have since you were in your 20's. And that's fine. It's the mainstay of your life and something you value and enjoy and said you're unwilling to give up or alter. Nor do you see why you should -- and you shouldn't if you don't want to.
But 90 gigs a year is A LOT of time devoted to one thing. And if you travel out of state about 12x a year -- that's essentially once a month. And even if 80 are within an hour of your home -- that still involves traveling.
Time is our most valuable commodity-- and if you evaluate your life -- you'd acknowledge that your music gigs have consumed a large bite of your life.
Everyone has "something" they prioritized -- that eats up the majority of their life. For some it's their work, for some their children, for some their hobbies, for some their community activities etc.
You seem to think you don't have to make any changes in your life to achieve a different result.
But you know what Albert Einstein said: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
We're all on a spiritual path -- and we stay stuck where we are until we learn the lessons of the challenge.
Many people just keep going around the same mountain over and over and over b/c they refuse to consider trying some new avenue to conquer it.
Eventually most people decide to stop circling the mountain -- and finally decide to climb the mountain instead of circling it -- or just decide to drill right through it!
When you're ready to make the necessary changes -- you will -- and then you'll get new results.
