You got some really good advice from Nevanna. Focus on you! Get at the real reason you bring things up or say those things. I know when I get in the most trouble and start to back slide it is because I am lashing out. I'm hurt and havent dealt with it or accepted and CERTAINLY haven't forgiven XH. That is where the holding on part comes. For me it is a defense mechanisim. Protective armor. When really if I would open up MORE the interaction would be totally different.
I have tried a new mental trick that seems to work for me and that during any conversation or contact with XH I picture a teather that connects our hearts. I try to imagine it showing me what he is feeling about the situation and what he is fearing. That is a different perspective. Now I can see things in a whole different light and am not so likely to lash out. How do you lash out when you are trying to understand anothers pain and feelings?? you can't.
The only problem I have is to start that trick early in the conversation, prior to letting my emotions get the best (or worst) of me.
Are you on IM? LockL4 is my yahoo account. We can chat more.
