Seeking the Truth

[Nevanna]

{{{{karen}}}}

Okay, first things first. I think you need to focus on yourself for awhile, and not be so caught up in your sitch and your H! You can stick with this. You can do what needs to be done.

Just wake up every morning, and stick it in your head. I actually used to chant "DB DB DB DB" in my head like some a yoga mantra on my worst days, to try to remember to stay on track. Kind of goofy, but who cares?

I have to say that I messed up again.

Try not to let this get you down. You're human. You're going to make mistakes, even when you know better. Just try to learn from the experience, and go on with life.

He told me not to build the new dog pen yet in case things don't work out. This caught me off guard-and it shouldn't have. We just had another discussion about his "committment" and he thought that that shouldn't have surprised me.

I know you know this, but I'm going to tell you anway. These kinds of conversations are a trap. Don't walk into it. Just nod, smile, agree, say something like "You make a good point," then drop it and come rant and rave and vent here on the BB.

He feels like I don't listen to him, but that's not the case.

I'm going to mention the food/mood thing later on, but I want to address this point. Are you spending lots of time validating? Saying things like "I understand how you feel" or "I see your point." That doesn't mean you have to agree with him, just let him know you can sympathize with how he feels. I think validating is one of the best things you can do--it will help him feel more comfortable emotionally.

joined the BB last September, and if anything, I think my sit. has worsened. But, it is b/c I do not DB. Sure, I do it for 7-9 days, but then I blow it and end up back at square one.

Stop the defeatest thinking. Expections always affect the outcome. Like the self-fulfilling prophecy. When you start thinking like this--and I know you will, it's only natural!--then go out and find something to distract you. Exercise is a great mood booster. Maybe go for a walk or read a book, go shopping or call a friend. But distraction is the best thing!

I know that thinking about it and talking about it all the time makes it worse for me. Esp. if I talk to non-DB'ers. (I knew this already, but did it anyway.) I get so confused talking from one person to the next. And, I get anxiety from reading other ppls' threads.

So...stop doing what doesn't work. If you get upset reading other threads, then don't. I can't go anywhere near the Infidelity forum. Messes me up every time. I also had to stop listening to the radio for a long time, since pretty much every song reduced me to tears--love songs, leaving songs, songs about having babies...they all messed me. Stop talking about your sitch to people who aren't supportive. It's almost necessary for your sanity, if you want to DB full-force. I actually had to avoid my parents for a few months (awful, I know) to help get me focussed.

Please encourage me to keep my mouth shut when I have "feelings."

Okay...so I'm encouraging you! Go out for a cup of coffee. Go for a walk. Find a distraction. Think about the what harm it will do to bring up those kinds of talks (that's what really worked for me--weighing which "need" was more important).

I don't know if it is symptom of depression, side affect of med., or lack of nutrition. I think I have low blood sugar, but I continue to basically thrive on sugar. I just got out a book that I have called "Food & Mood," and am insprired to change some of my dietary habits.

I know aaaaall about this area.... So you're probably going to hear more than you want to, right now. You crave sugar because you're eating it now. It's highly addictive. Personally, I am very sensitive to it, and even just a candy bar once a week gets me hooked and craving more. The cravings go away if you can cut out sugar for a long period of time. Also, your body often craves sugar when you are extremely hungry. Try to keep that it mind.

I also know, for me, that sugar definately affects my mood. Too much of it triggers depression/anxiety in me. If you can tell when this is the case for you (I actually get physical symptoms--elevated heart rate and difficulty breathing), things like green tea, pretzels, and water will help even you out.

I don't know what your diet is like now, but one thing that might significantly help you is the amount of water you drink. If you're drinking any kind of soda on a daily basis, just cutting that out and replacing it with water can have a dramatic effect.

Hope some of this helps! Do something for your PMA today.