No, seriously ... I won't throw it away. I plan on boxing up all of my mementos of the marriage and tape it shut real good. It happened to me. It's a part of who I am, and I have good will towards her.
And then what? I think I'd find myself on a night I don't have the kids being tempted to open it up, and where would that put me?
Maybe I'll give my ring to my D10 or S13. Not sure they'd want it, and not entirely sure they should have it. Seems like maybe a little passive aggressive to give it to them? Like I'm subtly asking them to pay homage to my Good Fight? They need to move on, too.
Still coming back to the River, although I do really like scotch, FG.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
FG, sorry you are where you are on your path right now my friend. You really don't deserve this.
That said though, it's good to hear things are amicable. Having a plan, like you do, seems like the key to keeping things together as you make it through this rough patch. Good for keeping your balance and i've no doubt it'll be much smoother in the future for you bud.
How are you planning on handling the talk with the kids? Are you and the W gameplanning it out, or kind of winging it? I know from talking to my W about this in the past, she had a very different view of how to express the news to our D.
On the ring thing, i bounce back and forth between chucking it in the river and just leaving it perpetually to rest in my dresser drawer. I don't think there's any chance i ever put that one back on though. It represents alot of good times, but also some extremely negative ones recently. I think any sort of R would require a new ring at least for myself. As of now, i'm not holding out alot of hope that's going to happen.
Hang in there brother. Know this [censored], but you'll get through it.
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
JR, find me on Tacoma World and I'll send you a bottle.
Good point about the box. Yeah, I might do the same, tear open the box on some lonely, pathetic night and look at the g[censored]mn wedding pictures, or the pictures of her pregnant, cheeks full, belly like a basketball, smiles everywhere. Best to box it up and sink the whole thing at twenty fathoms, or commit to a bonfire.
At every wedding they should just flip a coin, and say, Sorry, this one wasn't meant to be, take back the presents, cancel the dance band, we can still eat the cake but go home and find another bride.
I think I've said this already but I hate wearing jewelry. I don't even like to wear a watch. So when I got married, I wasn't wearing my wedding ring consistently, and it took me forever to get used to it. But once I understood what the ring meant for her, I kept it on all the time. Meanwhile, she'd take off the ring whenever she got red hot angry at me.
About the kids -- I want us to coordinate a bit before we talk to them. My W and I talked a bit about it today. She said she had no idea what to say, and finds herself not able to say anything. I think she might expect me to take the lead on talking to the kids.
I've thought about saying, We love each of you to the ends of the earth, and what we have to tell you now has nothing to do with how we love you more than life itself, but Mommy and I have been together a long time and recently we've found that we are not able to make each other happy, and that means it's time for us to live separately in two homes. This means Daddy will go make a home in another house, and you two will spend some time there and some time here.
My heart is hardened. A few months ago I couldn't even finish thinking about the above speech. Now I can type it out. I have resolved to believe that just as I can survive this, my kids will not only survive but thrive after this. They will be resilient.
I think they already know in their subconscious who is the unhappy one in the marriage. And if not, it will be made more apparent as time goes on. I don't see a need for me to express any of that now.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
I am so sorry. That talk with the kids is never, less than heartbreaking. I have thought many times over the months, that I wished I never married my W. Every time I had those thoughts, I would immediately think of my kids and realize that they would not be here if I didn't marry my wife.
I understand when you say that you regret ever getting married to your wife. Just remember that you were given the greatest gift you could have ever received because you married her and had those amazing kids.
We have to take something positive away from this, right?
Would you do anything for your kids? Would you go to the ends of the Earth for your kids? Would you die for your kids? Of course you would. So take them as your positive in all of this. You went through this hell for them. So that they could be born and exist today.
Again, I am really sorry that you have to go through this process. I know it brings out that white-hot anger sometimes. But at the end of the day, you have to just look at your precious kids and realize that it was all worth it. If you can think of nothing positive that came from your marriage...just look to your kids. You will see the answer in their faces.
M-42 W-40 S-12 D-10 Together-13 years Married-10 years Separated-6/2016 ILYBINILWY-7/2016 EA-4/2016 (best guess) PA-7/2016 (best guess)
Told our kids tonight. The older one took it ok. The younger one is taking it really hard.
I imagine a sledgehammer to my head, and me just disappearing.
I regret everything. I regret ever getting married to my wife.
Took my ring off. I will box up everything tomorrow.
That's how i feel too fg your not alone my friend,
Me 56 w52 M30 years 4x adult kids W dad died/11 W wanted d 03/12 In-house sep 03/12 D 2014 I pushed W Left on 02/16 I pushed Pa on 07/16 Nc after 07/16 W Cakeating 15to16 Me doormat 12to16 Limbo 12to16
Brother, I truly am sorry you're having to go through this. The conversation you had with your kids last night is the one I also dread. It's one thing for this to be between us and our Ws. It's another thing completely to pull our kids into this mess. It seems so unfair to them to be caught up in it.
It's hard to do right now but best thing to do is pull yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep moving forward. Knowing you bud,I'd imagine you've already started doing this anyways. You are a rock and your kids will need your steadying presence more now than they ever have. Remember that your kids will always be the gift that came from your M.
Man this stuff [censored]. Hang in there brother. We are here for you.
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
I'm sorry you had to do this, Gump. None of us want to see our children hurt. It's a horrible side effect that we can't avoid.
I think it passes through all of our minds, I wish I never married this person. But Marix is right. If we didn't, then the most important people in our lives would not be here. I would not give that up for anything in the world.
As for your pictures and ring, I guess everyone feels differently with this. Don't do anything while your in this bad place. These are memories. Yours and your children's. One day they may ask to see them and you may regret destroying them. Box them, bury them in the basement, but think long and hard before destroying them.
One foot in front of the other, Gump. You'll get through it.
M:41 H:43 T:26yrs M:19 yrs S:15 D1:14 D2:9 Living together but separated
Told our kids tonight. The older one took it ok. The younger one is taking it really hard.
I imagine a sledgehammer to my head, and me just disappearing.
I regret everything. I regret ever getting married to my wife.
Took my ring off. I will box up everything tomorrow.
Gump,
You're a good man, my friend. This is the time that your kids will need you the most. And in them you will find strength. Godspeed, my friend.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
