WAS or what 9

[roist]

Thanks FY, your opinion means a lot to me.

I agree. That is why I didn't jump into LRT. Plus I have learned enough about it to apply it properly which earlier on I may not have managed. It is a card that I can play if she moves further away from me.

I could be wrong but I have the impression that my W does not want us to get further apart. Anytime I voice a complaint or issue, she almost always comes to find me shortly afterwards and shares a funny story about the boys or some other ice breaker.

That being said she isn't moving towards me either. But maybe I will have a surprise tomorrow for Valentine's day .

There were times in the past two years where we were worse. There were definitely times I was worse. Am I better at supporting the situation?
Yes, but maybe it is more supportable too.

There were times she avoided kissing me hello/goodbye. She would kiss my son goodbye at the breakfast table beside me and walk around the table and if lucky mumble goodbye to me. Now she comes to me to say hello/goodbye with a kiss.

On the couch after a certain time she used to move her legs. Before she tended to move them away from me, now they lean against my chest.

For months she never wore a ring on her wedding finger but recently wears one a few days a week. No apparent pattern to when she will or won't.

I'm listing this stuff to acknowledge that things could be and have been worse. Could be better too but that is another topic.

My approach is to slowly improve the connection between us. Opportunities are intermittent and I may not take advantage fully of every opportunity but I avoid making things worse. I see those opportunities too and am getting better at not falling for them.

It has been a year since any R talk and that one was a year after the previous one. If it is an annual thing, we are due one this month!! Two years ago after a heavy period of me in overdrive to save M, I pushed for her to open up regardless of whether I would like what she had to say or not. She didn't open up. Last year we talked about our R as if it was an independent entity ( the R was doing this and that on its own!!). I listened validated and finally got an admittance that she had checked out (again she mentioned this as if it was someone else and not her).

Since then a lot of water has flowed under the bridge. A lot of the same water.Maybe too much water. FY, I agree with your advice to follow Michelle's advice to issue a warning before hitting the point of giving up. Maybe one day I will have to do just that but for now I am still learning and growing. That is my focus.

I downloaded an application that let's you listen to or download podcasts.I listen to so much helpful podcasts about many many topics: gratitude, parenting,lsw of attraction, motivation, empathy.........etc. and yes about R/M too. Recently I have listened to 3 different podcasts (many podcasts from 3 sources)
1 a father (pastor) and son (psychologue) who talk about love and respect and its importance. Their advice is more aimed at people still together but also about family and kids. Quotes the Bible a lot to support their message.
2. A H & W team who are happily married but H was WAH and W stood and saved M. Again quotes god a lot.
3. Another H/W team but these are third time married, but have studied what it takes to have a happy M.
These and much more help convince me that I am right to stand and turnarounds are possible. Maybe MICHELLE should do podcasts. I first found her book after listening to her YouTube video on WAS.

Best wishes and well done to everyone who read all the way to the end.