Tomorrow's a new day

[010207]

Maybe, Gump.

The thing is... as I become a stronger person, I am learning to like myself again. I'm realizing that while WH may not have appreciated them, I do have good qualities. I'm not quite there yet, but I'm starting to value myself.

I know my faults and how I contributed to the end of my marriage. Unfortunately he will never admit his role in it or the effects his actions took on me over the years. The things he is STILL doing. I'm starting to dig myself out of this hole and I really think when I'm free... I'm going to realize I had been fighting for the wrong thing all these years. I should have been fighting for me. A happy healthy me.


I did actually tell him I was no longer going to do X, Y and Z. His response was, as long as I'm giving you money, you will. At which point I told him those were things a wife or girlfriend would do and I am no longer either. It may not have been the most appropriate thing to say, but it drove my point home. I will say he stumbled on that. I'm not sure he's really thought about it that way or maybe he just had no response.

I still ride the roller coaster, but it's different. My bad days are more because of the loss of dreams and plans and family. Yesterday was a tough day. People outside of our family are now becoming aware. It was such a difficult pill to swallow when a parent of my D's teammate starts questioning me about H and I have to look them in the eye and say I don't know because..... It took everything in me to keep it together.